Suckabee: “What he meant when he said ‘run in, even without a gun’, was, he would have waddled over to someone else and hid behind them just as fast as his bone spurs would have let him. He then would have used his biggly leadership skill to inspire others to do the dangerous work. After all, it’s Obamas fault Trump…

I expect he’ll next be shilling for a product like the ThighWeight®, an innovative cross between the Thigh Master and Shake Weight. Shake your thighs into shape!

Let’s be clear bout the whole “banning bump stocks” issue. Trump didn’t actually do a damn thing. He signed a memorandum instructing the DOJ to ban any device that makes any legal weapon a machine gun.

The NAtional Anthem is a song that has words and music. If you can’t sing the words to the music, don’t sing it. What other nation has people take artistic license with their national anthems?

Scrolling through the list of articles, I see the picture you used for the lead-in. Then I glanced at the headline and my messed up brain mis-read it as “Don’t Own Super Mario Speedo Yet?”

Scrolling through the list of articles, I see the picture you used for the lead-in. Then I glanced at the headline…

Meanings of words change all the time. For example, in 1920, if I were to say “last night my friends and I had a gay old time”, I would be informing people we went out and had a lot of fun. If I said it today....it would be taken differently. Same thing with other words. Take the word faggot, for example. 100 years…

MR. PRESIDENT! MR. PRESIDENT!

There....fixed the headline for you.

I loved Crystal Pepsi!

Speaking as a man, and as someone who likes Doritos, I wouldn’t object to softer Doritos.

In the towns defense, the geese were there long before he bought the property.

God damnit! I pay good money to the town in the form of taxes! Now, what are you going to do about all the damn water in the lake? Why, I can’t even enjoy swimming in the lake without the water getting me wet! Well, I’m fed up! Until the township removes the wetness from the water, I won’t pay my taxes!

I’m sorry, but if you’re the only participant in a race, you don’t ‘win’ anything. To say he ‘won’ the primary is like your dentist congratulating you on winning a toothbrush after your checkup.

While those two are rolling around on the ground, pulling each others hair, Wisconsin will sneak in and eat their waffles....

*As I’m being hauled off my flight in hadcuffs*

I don’t want to alarm anyone, but I heard from a very reliable source that all this activity in the ring of fire is a prelude to a massive outbreak of ashy elbows and feet.

Have no fear my friends, for it is I, the magnificent Bard, Majorly Offkey! Allow me to sing these goblins into submission!

Sweet potato?

Ooooo....all the way down to 4? That’s warmer that todays predicted high......

Good thing you aren’t a lawyer.