If I made the same amount of mistakes Deadspin writers make with regards to facts and names, I would be fired. Fuck, I’d never have been hired in the first place.

I think it must be “hey everyone, I know something!”

I really want to know: what’s your point?

Hello, Tomato Face!

Hey Patrick, that’s not Kim Boutin who kicked her. That’s Yara Van Kerkhof.

They may be aggressively marketed and highly profitable.

Everything in moderation (including moderation).

This should get filed under when you thought you were a part of the club but you really aren’t.

Right? She got fired for doing what every other white person in this administration is doing, but she forgot that she’s black. Scott Pruitt’s been flying first class on the taxpayer’s dime, Mnuchin flew via US Private jet @ $3oK a pop for his honeymoon, etc etc.

Yeah she did that shit. But I’ll take a wild stab in the dark and guess that everybody probably does that shit. Nobody gives a shit about you taking home Sharpies until they need a reason to fire your ass.

Omarosa is going to have to come with some better shit than Mike Pence thinks he gets messages from Jesus tho,…

Now I’m going to get into speed skating just to annoy you. Then I’m going to never shut up about it and I’ll make every facebook/ insta/ snapchat post something speedskating related. Then I’ll act like I was into it the whole time and YOU are the johnny come lately. Then I’ll invite a bunch of hipsters to join me at…

This is a bad take

Checks out. I often drink lemon water. Currently don’t have cancer.

I’m so sure. You’re just another shill for Big Homeostasis.

Thanks, all. I’m 10 years post spinal damage and 5 months post baby. Goal is to walk the mother’s day 5k (:

Water tycoons.

Lemon tycoons.

Lemon water tycoons.

Water lemons tycoons.

Light lemonade tycoons.

Water with a dash of lemon tycoons.

Tycoons.

You mention cucumber water and I think of “The Other Guys” and the flavored water/bribe scene.

Yeah but clearly one glass of lemon water a day is going to realign my body’s ph with the stars so I can boost my metabolism, stave off all disease you would otherwise need to inject evil chemicals called vaccines, while also giving me the gift of being unbearable to talk to because I constantly spout nonsense.

Exactly. I’m trying to convince my fiancee to do cupcakes. She thinks cupcakes aren’t classy, and I think that they can be classy, they’re less expensive than cake, you don’t have to deal with gross fondant, and cupcakes are fucking delicious. Who ever said no to a cupcake? No one, that’s who.

We (as women) are so socialized to disbelieve or dismiss our guts. Even now, as a grown-assed woman, if I state a ‘nope’ position based on what my gut tells me, I get pushback from women as often as men. “I’m sure it’s not so bad!” “Give him a chance!” “But he’s Faaaaaamily.” You don’t even need to ask how often my…