jesus, america. why do you do these things?

There are things on Google Images you cannot unsee.

Elementary school principal gave this weird, rambling talk about how all these basic school supplies were "not concealed, but absolutely weapons."

no ur terrible i will never love you (i am lying)

Hoarders at least offers to fund therapy for the people after the show. They can choose to take it or leave it, but at least the show tries.

You know, the statistics say that most baked beans injuries happen in the home. Remember to lock ALL your canned goods in the your canned goods safe, even if your child has been trained.

TITTIES

"are you fucking high?"

Hoarders offered aftercare funds to each of the hoarders featured on the show, which some chose to take advantage of and some did not. I think the difference is that cleaning up a house in 3 days or a week is definitely something that could be done (in most cases), and having a clean-up supervised by specialists…

there is a boob joke here

The only way to stop a bad guy with a gun is a good guy with...cans?

I was JUST coming here to say my 13 year old boy would love this. Kid he hates=bruises due to canned ham.

I am very invested in my job. Several typos that were almost immediately fixed don't really speak to how invested I am in my job or not. The fact that I have this blogging format downloaded onto every one of my electronic devices to write stories as quickly as possible if/when they break? Maybe a little more so. All…

Healthy weight loss is far too slow for a tv show.

This is disgusting and horrible. Is it okay that, in addition to judging the show, I am judging the contestant who didn't visit his kid in the ICU because he didn't want to get kicked off the show? Because, ew.

Much like rehab, this show is pointless if the contestants can't/won't/don't continue to maintain their success in a healthy way. As Cracked outlines, this failure is usually what happens.

once told by a trainer not to drink electroylyte-balancing liquids prescribed by the show's doctor because it would "ruin her one last chance to save her life.

I believe all of this. I knew there was now way you could healthily lose 50-100 lbs in a few months.

You must be a teacher.

Reading next week's Gawker story about the rash of hospital visits by students of this school: Priceless