I’m getting young Norm Macdonald after two bottles of wine.

Late last night, when the results were obvious, I was numb. I told my husband that I didn’t realize it was still possible to feel a loss of innocence at my age — after living through abuse, rape, loss of loved ones. But evidently, there was still some innocence left in me.

It’s gonna be a long day. C’mon, bring it in...

I’m following your lead! I’ve got about 30 little tubs of self-care Play-Doh that I totally forgot about until this moment. Now is the time.

What are we drinking people?

He really does.

All more years! All more years!

I hope she gets away from them, too. I hope it so very much. Her family is poison and that child — all children — deserve better.

He is better than donald.

I still think a rugby coach would be nice.

RIGHT QUESTION!

It was actually quarter-annual (and maybe quarter-anal, too, if that’s how you and the goat worked it out):

Wait, what’s wrong with sex with a coach?

Yes! All berries. And if the arugula is slimy, I’m out, too.