These are presents for people who do not read or like to eat or have interesting hobbies. They are either for people you don’t really know or people who don’t do anything outside of work. As someone who loves loves loves to give presents, and tries to put effort and heart and usefulness into gift-giving, these all…

Our fridge makes weird whip-cracking noises sometimes, and it freezes the cheese. The utensil drawer squeals and yips like a player in Japanese Noh theater, and because we live in a giant mold spore of a location, we leave the dehumidifier on a constant hum during the day. We are convinced that when we are out, they…

Ew. I bet he sends unsolicited dick pics. Also: Amy Schumer has beautiful skin and is totally glam and unmoisturized cheese wheels like this guy have no chance anyway, so.

Oh, dude. I have a side-job as a technical copy-editor for a company that specializes in working with scientists for whom English is not a primary language. I edit papers written by Chinese speakers-you know, a whole different alphabet, totally different approach to language that English, etc.-who have better English…

I would also like to know. I mean, she looks gorgeous and all, but she ain’t developed no TB vaccine, so...

I’m wondering if it isn’t like, tied to passing CISA or some crazy debt ceiling thing.

When I was little we had a neighbor from Central America who had all kinds of Dysfunctional/No Infrastructure stories, and she had one (true or not I don’t know) about a snake being in her toilet. I am totally petrified of snakes and checked the toilet for them into my teens...

Hope it works out well for you.

I keep hoping someone will jump in and assure me that it’s totally Worth It. But I guess those people don’t have time to comment on Jezebel. Maybe they’re all on Facebook?

Oh come now, the best gifts have been pee’d upon.

This is great!

One thousand points for the ethnically ambiguous! How many of you have had people ask you straight up “so what are you” or guess totally wrong? Ha ha. Also: I’m going to be That Pedant. Afghanistan is not the Middle East, is it?

I would like to personally deliver a huge plate of cookies to all the people who wrote these. Frickin’ treasures, every one of them.

Blech yes. My brother got married in Wisconsin in the winter. It was just...why? My spouse and I had a summer wedding and it was a bagillion geedee degrees and we really could’ve benefited from waiting another month or so but winter///no.

ha ha haaa/I tried to star this but I guess I ran out (?)

My hometown had a video rental place called Video Mansion. It smelled like dirty carpet and farts in there, but it was awesome. I think it finally closed like 5 years ago. If my brother and I were Good we could go there and pick out One Video Each for the weekend. And microwave popcorn was a novelty-when I was really…

I seem to have starred all my stars but Thanks for the kittty cat! Muah.

I posted this the other day on another last-name-change post, and I’ll post it again.

oh god so much vanilla. and all that apple/coconut shampoo too. i do not like to attract bees.

With respect, not Erin Brockovich-actually a lot worse. The hazards of ingesting lead are clear-cut terrible and well-known. This case in Flint is reprehensible-water testing is a relatively straightforward and cheap thing to do and is generally standard protocol for any kind of water distribution plan. Probably…