And despite your corporate overlords telling you to stick to sports, I hope Deadspin never does because

and I can’t emphasize this enough

I come to Deadspin BECAUSE YOU DON’T JUST STICK TO SPORTS

Solid plan but I think you’d need to bait him by saying Obama funded this. Then he’ll say something like “total failure from the desperate democrats to put dolphins in space (they didn’t even arm them) , I’ve ordered the plane to land so it can fitted with nukes to fight the space whales.“

Matt, if you really want to know what it’s doing up there, could you Tweet @realDonaldTrump or call the White House?

is that like “call of the wild?”

They should post another one that says: “I am a former social media account manager.”

Or just root for a meteor. 

In every photo of him, all I see is Don Jr.

LOL too late, fuckers. The baseball gods are displeased and I hope you’re unceremoniously dispatched by the Nats ASAP. 

Well, it’s clean now. 

Well, it’s clean now. 

There’s a Nine Inch Nails song titled “Right Where It Belongs”, and one of the lyrics is “See the animal in its cage that you made”...(or “built”, can’t remember that last word).

If you still support Trump now then you are simply just a bad person

I could have gone to my grave without ever knowing about Blippi. 

I would hate this. Setting should be in the app, not just assume I want stuff to match.

The free tacos are a trap! It’s about getting everyone outside to hit them with the Kragle!

No ITS NOT.

You don’t need a study to know that lane centering technology is capable, but U.S. road markings are horrible.

they should probably start the layoffs with their fucking HR department, because they sound hideous. 

Oh, they’ve seen women before, just not as human beings.

They get a bit confused when they can’t see where to put the dollar bills!