Honestly, I would love a box of chocolates that consisted of cheese, crackers, and valium. That sounds fantastic!

THIS TIMES A MILLION

Being a nuttier-than-squirrel-shit lunatic is the path to fame and fortune in modern America.

'Papa John's has apologized to Iggy Azalea. People Papa John's hasn't apologized to: All those workers they were going to fire because the CEO didn't want to pay for Obamacare. People Papa John's also hasn't apologized too: Anyone who even tried their knock-off creamy white sauce which will never be as good as…

De facto monopolies are a hell of a thing.

Yep. "You're goddamn right. Now you can continue not billing me because you're giving me cable and internet for free." would have been my response.

You could always ask them to upgrade your service to the MegaBitch tier.

If that happened to me, I'd just leave it.

Now in Gif Form

What? I don't believe this. I mean which college wouldn't want to wear the 'most rapiest college' badge?

Duh?

oh ffs. Only TX could produce an OB/GYN who doesn't understand medical science.

"...they just furtively re-decorate their offices and turn oxygen into carbon dioxide."

Whitney's brother introduced her to drugs and has said so in an interview with Sister 2 Sister magazine. So let's just all take that in before folks come in here with the "Bobby made her do it," part 2 narrative.

Sometimes it helps to look at the same type of scenario with a non-sexual action:

men's stupidity is a trope that is absolutely played up in hollywood.

At least they aren't WASPS.

Lost my shit at "The Bees Are Back in Town."

Hey, I'm deathly allergic to the little fuckers and even so it's just too damn wonderful for words.