Celery?  Damn.  I’m going to have to be a hard nope on that.  Celery is the one flavor in the known universe that I absolutely cannot stand :-(  I’m happy to eat cilantro; I don’t like durian but it’s not the worst.  Celery is the worst.

Same happened to me with the typhoid vax in 1980.  My pharmacist, when I told him, while getting my second covid booster: “Yeah typhoid does that, it’s gnarly as vaxes go”.  No biggie as far as I’m concerned.  I got up and got over it.

The child was walking around with the gun, on the landing, making “pew pew” noises.  I don’t think it’s out of line for the cop to ask the little ‘un where daddy keeps the pew-pew, if that’s something this pre-schooler can relate to.

“When’s Ivanka coming? We can’t hold the How To Stand Awkwardly class without her.”

Nah. I don’t eat meat because I don’t like the texture. Gardein doesn’t work for me because it’s stringy, same as actual chicken. But tofurkey slices aren’t stringy, and Impossible burgers aren’t stringy, so I eat those. It’s too much hassle saying “I don’t eat *some* meat”, so I went meat-free and gave up all of it,…

Or prevents ectopic pregnancies 100% of the time.

Yes.  This is their intention.  Women are to be perpetually pregnant, in front of the kitchen sink, making their husband a sandwich.  

I know, right?   I immediately lost all interest in the story about the jacket and couldn’t get past the “John and I’s”.  How does any native speaker think that sounds like proper English?  Ewwwwww.

I’m 99% sure that, when I signed a petition that went to the White House in 2018, he lifted my email address and then sold it to spammers.  As soon as he was out of office, I was inundated with ambulance chasers, casino chips, loan sharks, health supplements.  None of it was Nigerian prince spam; it was all actual…

Oh, I’ll play transatlantic linguistics with you :)

Not just cola. Dr Pepper is coke, Sprite is coke.  Southerners are weird like that.

Yeah. As a Brit, I was shocked when I moved to the US and heard people using the word “spaz” so casually. It’s really offensive in the UK. I told Americans I wasn’t comfortable hearing them say it, and I got a load of “well it’s not offensive here so get over yourself”. I’m not at all surprised Lizzo didn’t know it…

It only tastes like Coke if you’re from the South and you call all pop/soda “Coke”. If you call Dr Pepper or Sprite “Coke”, then La Croix/balsamic vinegar tastes like Coke.  

As someone who had to replace their kitchen linoleum after dropping hot charcoal from a used BBQ onto it, it wouldn’t surprise me. Don’t grill indoors, people. In my defense, I was young (early 20s) and stupid.  I’ve never been near a DIY BBQ anything since.

My other half yelled from the kitchen, “The Depp Heard verdict is in!” and I yelled back, “Good. Now, can we never hear from either of them ever again?”  Neither of us cared what the verdict was, as long as the whole bally lot of them go back under the rock they crawled out of.

You can’t kill a mass of people with a handgun. If the only guns available had only six bullets, at least that gives one brave person (not a cop, though, obviously) a chance to tackle the perp while he changes guns or reloads. There shouldn’t be civilian-owned guns that *spray* bullets.

The band 10cc is named after that specific amount of spooge. A teaspoon is about 5cc.  Maybe men who use the metric system produce more?

Ted Bundy wasn’t bad looking, but still not someone a girl should go on a date with.  It’s not always about the looks, Ted.

“Douche-bro dating app overwhelmingly male”  So ... this isn’t an Onion headline then?

Nope. Pedo here clearly means “people with feet”. Democrats have feet (except maybe Tammy Duckworth, and even she has metal feet). Bi-pedal Democrats, as opposed to Republican knuckle-draggers who basically walk on all fours.