Jesus, each of these stories should have ended with a scalding bowl of soup to the dick for the men involved.

Thank you for properly addressing these pricks.

This is one of the best mic drops I’ve ever read.

I work with high school kids and when this came up in a debate, one of the very religious kids said, “THAT’S NOT TRUE, ABSTINENCE ALWAYS WORKS.”

No dice. I would love a little blood sugar sext magik but my partner is a literal dude with an impaired romantic imagination. The few times I’ve tried, with innocuous but hopefully leading messages like “I wish you were in my bed right now,” I get matter of fact responses like “too bad we live so far apart.” :/

I BIND YOU, SONY, FROM DOING HARM. HARM AGAINST OUR TEENAGE SELVES AND HARM AGAINST YOURSELF.

Lupita is the sun and we are all Cillian Murphy.

Wizinter is coming.

Well of course! For starters the empire would be divided amongst his son’s sons according to tradition which would weaken internal ties and eventually lead to the formation of the independent states of France and German-oh, wait, you meant the obnoxious radio guy who wishes he were a real rapper so hard he can taste…

t was really looking like I was gonna get through the whole comment section without encountering one of these.

I feel like no matter where you’re from, if you’re attending college you probably ought to know that Tokyo is not in China.

“Now THAT’S White Zinfandel!” which he promptly poured into his monogrammed thermos.

Okay OREO Munroe, I see that Nabisco has already gotten to you.

Wait, what if a kid can’t digest lactose, or is vegan or some such? Would soy/almond/rice milk not be permitted? Crazypants.

Russell can get behind me tbh

Over a decade ago I worked at Tim Hortons. Near the end of my lustrous career I had a drive-through customer who asked for his coffee “stirred twice clockwise, three times counter-clockwise, and four times clockwise.” I was so enamoured with the request that I followed through, and after giving the man his coffee and…

I’m a little late but here goes. I worked in a Gay Dennys in Arizona and soon after gay marriage became legal, I had the most adorable elderly couple of men, one white, one black. They were seated at the counter and had on these beautiful leis. I asked if I could feel the real flowers and asked what the occasion was.…

I once had a customer who ordered a cheeseburger with Swiss but got cheddar. When the mistake was realized, I apologized and offered her a free cookie. She replied, “Honey, if this is the worse thing to happen to be today, then I’ve got a pretty good life.” After getting bitched at by stuck up college kids and…

I was just going over in my brain all the people I know who are obsessed with Lilly and I found this article really articulated all my thoughts about those folks.

Make yourself a marketable worker and not a bottom-feeding shitbag scavenger and you’ll be able to feed your family without inconveniencing anyone!