What overpriced shithole do you live in where $360 is an average night out?

Yeah, what’s $300 for a Wii U and another $60 for Smash? Chump change to everybody out there, that is. Find it under your couch cushions!

In some ways, it’s actually better to not tranquilize, because you want to try and scare the bear to not enter populated areas. Can’t scare it if it’s asleep.

It’s definitely a black bear, because there are no brown bears in California.

Let’s talk about paying him what the Vikings cheerleaders get paid, instead.

Two dudes kissing isn’t disturbing at all. How the Carolinas would interpret a tiki bar, however...

In response, UT’s interim athletic director said the school’s teams will be changing their name to the Longnoses.

If this were wrestling, she’d definitely be the tar heel.

IRB allows you to play for a country’s national team if you’ve either lived there a certain amount of time or if you parent or grandparent were born there.

But the rules of what country a person is allowed to play for in international competition is ultimately set by the sport governing body, not the country. The IRB actually tightened the rules prior to this World Cup of allowing players to switch nations, which caused France to lose out on a couple of players.

I think the rest of America would appreciate it if New Jersey would instead enforce that standard on its governors.

I dunno. If you asked the Astros about the prose, they’d probably say it’s a real hack job.

SUCK YELP’S DICK HARDER. THEY MIGHT OFFER YOU A JOB YET.

After the fan received a broken jaw from the impact, Rex Ryan signed the bus to the Bills’ practice squad.

He was a real robber baron on that one.

Anytime I went out to eat with a group of church people, my tip had to instantly go to 30 percent. It’s the only way I could leave without feeling utterly disgusted.

ಠ_ಠ

Mike: