But we all know you can’t have a woman on top of you, lest you suffocate.

But how can you manage the oh so hefty weight of those sugar babies on top of you, you sensitive thing, you?

We’ve gone to very different gyms, it seems.

An average man your size can easily bench 135 pounds multiple times.

Well, the helmet Votto spiked got about as much rebound as a football inflated to Tom Brady’s preferred PSI.

Don’t worry. His spinchter is so tight nothing’s coming out.

Only around people I’m comfortable with or I want to leave me alone.

So Greg smirked at me like the little shit-weasel he was and said, “Honey, you’re too sad. I want this place to be like Disneyland, and there’s no sad people at Disneyland.”

1) Use the coupons for the hottest salsa you can get.

Isn’t it a lesson learned back in childhood the cheese should stand alone?

Show me someone who would never stick their noses into creative’s business and I’ll show you someone who will never be an executive.

Shouldn’t the complainers be thankful the KSU band didn’t depict the Jayhawk getting its ass kicked by a Jackrabbit?

What do you think Rick is jerking off to?

My apologies the mention of Labor Day upsets you so much. Please accept this gif of Rick Santorum making a wanking motion as an olive branch. I’m sure it’s more your speed.

How interesting that the team who tried to unionize beats the team from a school named after a racist robber baron on Labor Day weekend.

“...and THAT’S why you should never be a racist, xenophobic, classist asshole.”

I’ve never had an experience with self-checkout that didn’t raise my blood pressure.

Ruptured pilonidal cyst, maybe.