No, those are breasts.

Ahoogas witness?

Dear Salty,

And for (intentionally?) spearing that stuffed crow with his cane. Bryant was not expecting that.

I liked the new opening credits. They were similar to what we might have gotten in the late ‘80s or the early ‘90s, and I always encourage anything close to that era of the show. Heidi Gardner’s shot even reminded me a bit of one that would have suited Jan Hooks (boy I miss her).

PREEMPTIVELY SAYING THAT BOBBY WILL STILL BE WRITING FEATURES FOR US THANKS (ugh i don’t want u to go my bb)

But that’s where I keep all my stuff though!

Oh honey, you think you’re really slathering on the cleverness here but you just sound like a huge dork. I mean the hentai comment would just come across as a weird joke rather than a burn and the mom’s medicine cabinet one is just fucking cringey.

See also: calling anything you don’t like “hipster.”

Can we stop shitting on millennials yet? The oldest of us are pushing 40 and the youngest are old enough to have graduated college and joined the work force by now.

Oh god I forgot when I was writing this up. They packed so much into one season, I always think it had two or three.

Don’t worry, it’s just season 1!

It’s suspicious because there’s only one. It’s suspicious because there are several all at once. It’s suspicious because she never reported it. It’s suspicious because she reported it to her therapist. It’s suspicious because she kept going to the parties. It’s suspicious because the parties kept happening.

Look, just give us all of the Monty Python catalog in the US already, they have had it in other countries since April!

The Bowl of Damocles is hangin’ on top of my heeeeaadd...

my door is in an alley, and the uber eats address is a bit off, but close enough. i always send a message in-app to the driver the says ‘door is in alley, reads AAA’ (it doesn’t read AAA, but this is for descriptive purposes). 10 times out of 10 they don’t read that message and get lost, then call me, and then when i…

If I wanted it delivered to the street, I wouldn’t have given you my apartment number, and if I had wanted to put pants on, I wouldn’t have ordered delivery.

We’ve now witnessed a context in which this line is actually funny.

Among all my celebrity nemesises the most irrational is probably Kaley Cuoco. Maybe its because I loathe The Big Bang. Everything her character does or says is just mean and bitchy. But I can not stand her outside of it either. She just one of those people that I irrationally hate.

The worst of which being "Entourage".