opinionatedonion
Opinionated Onion
opinionatedonion

Yes! And get one of those mattresses that is made of memory foam. You don't even bounce when you get up and down to pee.

Ugh. As much as I loathe "kreatif" and "youneek" names, I cannot STAND when countries tell you what you can and can't name a kid. So stupid...

Last Christmas my sister and I were in our hometown. Our dad was sleeping over at his fiance's place for the night, so the two of us decided to invite some people over and get drunk. A lot of people showed up, really random old friends of friends started coming out of the woodwork. This dude that no one really likes,

Don't forget to pester that woman reading her book at your local Starbucks. She's only pretending to be busy and totally wants you to interrupt her to ask her out.

I am not... proud of what I am about to type, but I didn't want to start a different thread, and mine is sorta-related to yours...

A good friend of mine had dated this guy for a short time and slept with him a few times. They should have used protection because he ended up giving her a case of cervical warts. She tried to get a hold of him but he would just hang up on her. So I tried calling at him at his job thinking he might talk to me and he

I used to work with a woman who was absolutely NASTY to just about everyone, but especially me. Once I put a folder of birthday cards to sign on her desk (standard practice in just about every office environment ever) and as I walked away, I distinctly heard her mutter "Asshole, messing up my desk with your stupid

am I the only one who was super underwhelmed by frozen?

Here is my bar night story (and the reason I will never go back to that bar).

A lot of these stories are way better than mine, but when I was 23 I lived 200 miles away from home in a college beach town, and had recently lost 100 pounds. I'm going to note that when you get used to drinking like a big girl, losing all that booze-cushion means your tolerance hits the floor. I have a few good