The closest I’ve gotten to a mall makeover is getting a sephora employee to cover a hicky before I had lunch with my mom....

Her words: “its kinda small” as she just let it rip. She basically crop dusted the entire louvre.

My mom farted loudly in front of the Mona Lisa. But she basically does this in every public place

I’m crying. This is my life

I went to high school with one of her step sons and he was dumber than a box of rocks. Also, he likes to proclaim who his step mom is to threaten people

I thought the same thing.

I adopted my mini Aussie. He probably was born on a puppy mill because that boy has some serious issues. All the more reason he needs my love:)

I know a woman who married a man with the same last name. They definitely checked to see if they were related. I would have hyphenated if I were her. :)

I’d just like to say that if your name was actually Chester, than you better not be a molester ’cause you’d be setting yourself up.

Same. When I don’t have one, my kitchen becomes a biohazard.

Full house reruns were my jam! I would like Elizabeth Olson to take the role but I’m a realist.

I admit I lol'd.

I found one in Roman ruins in France. But then again, it’s France

Exactly! cheezus knows I was dumb kid! Grown people shouldn’t make fun of children

Bahahhahaha

Cue to middle school, when all my friends dumped me because they thought I told a not-so-secret secret. One girl (who ended up becoming a close friend in college) wrote in a nasty note that “Oopiedaisy cannot keep her fucking mouth shut”. To which I replied, “ Jamie cannot keep her fucking legs shut.” She was a real…

I won’t apologize for wanting to bang ludacris.

I’d just like to point out that “clay” and “dirt” are essentially the same thing and that people are neither of those things. Man, his grasp of science is shit.

The reason I refuse to watch this is because any man who rides bulls/broncos is a fucking moron. As someone who has spent half her life on a horse, I can’t respect anyone who cares so little about their well-being. Every bull riders I have ever met is dumber than a box of rocks with missing fingers to boot.

I showed this to my mom sand said "pretty please". She never got me a Christmas present so there is still hope.