Dear Salty,

Both my wife and I work very hard and we think we deserve, nay, are entitled to blow off a lot of steam with a nice dinner out with our 14 month-old Instabook tenant.

Yet we get dirty looks (of jealousy?) wherever we go because we find it convenient to change our kid’s nappy at our table. (It’s the good…

Knocking on Oculus? You just lost a reader, AV Club.

This movie just looks so the opposite of the book that it makes me sad. It was my favorite book as a kid and the tone is not at all whimsical and magical.

“This chicken sucks, but it’s non-GMO and had a diet of nothing but whole grain!”

I loved this book as a kid, partly because Bellairs seemed totally uninterested in imparting wisdom or lessons like so many other kids books. Unless "leave hellish evils alone" is a lesson.

Im glad AVC gave this a good review, I’ve been mildly excited about it since I saw the first trailer, and the more I learned about it (Amblin, Eli Roth being encouraged to scare the crap out of kids, etc) the more I got excited to see it. Jack Black usually performs well when around better actors, and it doesn’t get…

i dont think i’ve ever eaten a krispy kreme donut and thought “gee. this is getting worse.” if anything, i’ve been super pumped and pondered how i can get away with eating a dozen hot without having to share after the first bite.

Except insurance involves serious life consequences. Not being allowed back to a certain restaurant is entirely different.

Also, regular sliders don’t give me the runs.

Diagonal cut is aesthetically pleasing.

Wait, aren’t we cell-based? #soylentgreen 

cinnamon raisin bagels are for goyishe children

To me, raisins are basically the little rabbit droppings that come out when Satan is constipated. Raisins ruin a cookie, they ruin a cereal, and they ruin bagels. They test my trust in people when I’m offered any baked confection that includes cinnamon or oats, and they have historically killed relationships and…

“Peppermint fails on nearly every level” C-

If the Vatican is involved, we all know how this ends: the murderous demonic nun gets quietly moved to another parish.

“I mean he was right when he said mexicans are subhuman and white supremacists are nice guys, but NUCLEAR WAR and TARRIFFS? Those might affect ME! Trump has gone too far, time for me to bravely write an anonymous op-ed. #Resist.”

I really really love that book and I hope they come somewhere near doing it justice.  Disappointed right off the bat that the kid who plays Lewis is so slender.

The A.V. Club

This article is bullshit. Literally nobody has ever been “blasted” with a Klobb. “Missed by” a Klobb often, “tickled” occasionally.

More importantly, what will become of DJ Jer-Z?