Hooooly shit it’s real.

Because Knicks.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a white person die on TV.

I’m fairly certain I’ve seen Eric Garner die on NBC, but the word “Fuck” is too far, apparently.

Who the hell is the all knowing cartographer and why in the world would they need a map?

Oh, I’m gonna go crazy looking for an opportunity to use “gauche caviar” in real life.

The phrase “Hip Hop Brunch in Minneapolis” has me looking like Sammy Sosa.

It’s easily one of the meanest things ever said.

God, imagine having to fuck John Sterling.

#NotAllMitties

Enemies can’t run and shoot at the same time?

Yup. Stopped reading after the word producer.

Wings and french fries styro, tbh.

There’s a warehouse full of money waiting for the person that figures out a non gross way to combine a toilet and a bed.

I’m going to miss going there during the holidays and hating every fucking second of it.

He’ll get community service but the shoepolish is gonna get life.

I can talk about Saturday afternoon naps like other people talk about Jesus.

She didn’t blink for over half the goddamn video.

Pat Boone is gonna die the day after Little Richard and I’m gonna know God is real.

My opinion of myself generally isn’t the highest, but sitting here now knowing full well I’m going to watch this bullshit, I probably need to avoid me for a while.