As the Grilling King of the Southeastern United States (the Grilling Center of the Universe), I hereby command all loyal subjects to take the hot burgers off the grill, place them onto a plate or cookie sheet (depending on the number of burgers), immediately place quality cheese onto burgers, and cover with foil.…

Unless you have another post in the pipeline, the money quote from the Times article is nowhere to be found on Deadspin. From John Skipper: