If I were God, Graham would be met at the Pearly Gates by Matthew Shepherd. Who would take him on a tour of Heaven. He’d point out the homes of illustrious residents like Benazir Bhutto, Divine, Elie Wiesel, Bob Marley, Crazy Horse, Gandhi, and Malcolm X. They’d swing past the cafeteria - both kosher and halal! There…

Good.

Anyone else stuck in this weird spot where you’re generally happy/hopeful about the direction your own life specifically is headed, but the state of the world and the direction its heading constantly drags you down, so you want to just completely ignore and shut out the news, but you feel an obligation to keep…

Oh, that has to be it.

Weird. We should be happy with all of the winning we keep hearing about.

Headline should read, “Local Branch of Global Pedophile Ring Expels Member for Loving Marital Relationship With Adult.”

I just don’t understand those estates. Like what are the odds she’s even been in every room? What is every room for? Why do I have to walk halfway across the house to get to my en suite bathroom? It’s all just so damn wasteful and unnecessary.

This isn’t quite what she’s saying, but creatively speaking, near-disastrous tanking has been really good for my work. Not because I can then “relate,” or whatever she’s going on about, to the plebs, but because hanging on to old ideas or methodologies was creating increasingly stale work but I was too chickenshit to…

or I Fought the Weed and the Weed Won.

Hey now, we shouldn’t be jumping to conclusions here. Some of those doctors are probably just selling drugs.

This great Photoshop image (don’t know who made it) makes your point:

Here lies the body of Mary Lee; died at the age of a hundred and three. For fifteen years she kept her virginity; then I grabbed her by the pussy.  

Merman, you insensitive clod.

omg I hope, then the man can get whatever project he wants funded. At the Mountains of Madness??

LW, from someone who’s been there: He will never change. It will only get worse. Leave now before he seriously hurts you. Go to thehotline.org for resources and help if you need to—and/or to your friend who’s been telling you to leave him! (There’s [almost] always a friend who sees it before you do.)

Women must always be told why they have displeased a man. even if the man has to take time out of his busy day and tell them how awful they are for ruining something he doesn’t really even care about. The point is not that he doesn’t care—it’s that the woman needs to be put in her place.

Let’s start a female led “Die Hard” rumor. Because nothing is sacred, fellas.

I’ll tell Paul Ryan the same thing I tell my parents and all their noisy friends: you want me to have babies, create an environment where having and raising a child doesn’t cost an entire adult person’s salary and I’ll think about it.

So like ... can I have maternity leave? Affordable prenatal care? Any treatment for my battered lady-bits after birth? Help with childcare? (My parents live very, very far away and I really like what I do for a living.) Will my daughters be able to get jobs where they won’t be harassed by their employers, or is their…

Christians who blame Satan for anything are the worst. The devil did NOT make you do it. He didn’t possess your body and pilot you like a meat mecha and make you do bad things. YOU did the bad things. YOU rationalized what you were doing. YOU ARE A BAD PERSON! Satan A. Doesn’t exist and B. If he did exist he’d be…