I can't lie: I checked out as soon as I hit the word "cuddle" in the first bullet point. "Cuddle" is the "moist" of relationship words. *cringes*

A friend was telling me a similar perfect-guy story (not missed connections but otherwise) and when she got to the "but—" part, I said, "He's married, right?"

Seriously. It's usually a bad idea for the "other woman" to go to the wife, but in this case...poor lady deserves to know. She's about to have 2 kids with this loon.

Accusatorily gesturing at the monitor with the spoon, I hope!

"I know I'm not supposed to say this already, but I'm so ready to settle down. I just need the right girl."

I'd run away if someone said that to me in the first six months. Half an hour? Burn the building. Salt the earth. Run.

I think there is a snaky, shady, SAD subset of people who (consciously or otherwise) are really only interested in sex that they gain through some degree of subterfuge. They get off on feeling like the only one in the pair who knows the full truth and therefore feel in control.

it screams: run girl, run!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Absolutely. That is some Grade-A creeper fodder right there. Best-case scenario, he's trying to manipulate you into moving faster than you want; worst-case, he's going to wind up murdering you and wearing your skin like a suit.

Well, if I was a woman in New York with one child already and another on the way and had recently taken a trip to visit my mother, I might have some suspicions.

I feel like they go to greater lengths when it's a woman they're not really into and want to hook up with. When it's a woman they're seriously interested in, they don't put in half the effort (as far as wining and dining, finding out about her interests, being "chivalrous," etc.) It sucks that the women they're…

To me this says, "I make bad social choices", and while they might be a perfectly fine person (or an emotional ax murderer in this case) I don't need to be tied to bad choice makers.

me. Red Tabby, no collar or tags,spayed female, loud meow. You crazy cat lady with cheese flavored treats.

My favorite kind of missed connections are when I run into guys that were homophobic to me and I see them at the gay club.

At least she didn't end up at the bottom of the Hudson or something. She ended up basically unscathed.

"I'm ready to settle down" within what sounds like the first half hour of the date? No. Absolutely not. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200. Get your ass home.

"I chose you," he said, explaining to her that he had a thing for redheads (Oh good, never mind then about being a cheating asshole). "You were special." Everyone, please grab your eyeballs before they roll into the back of your head. (Coincidentally his infatuation and interest with her disappeared as soon as his…

Cats would never do this to anyone— they just don't have the attention span. This is why I will marry my cat and live happily ever after.

Koffing isn't evolving, he's metastasizing.