Probably don’t want to be wrestled to the ground by Secret Service, and then have every media outlet, including MSNBC, spend five days discussing whether it’s appropriate to call this fat piece of shit a prick to his face.

Trump is on camera live pretty often, on newsfeeds and otherwise, and yet nobody has called him a fucking prick to his face. How the fuck has that not happened yet?! I know all the arguments about reporters having to hold their comments back so they don’t lose access (it is worth losing access, you greedy shits, even…

Knowing him I’m going to assume they were really bad mini strokes 

With hands as small as his, the only way he CAN stroke it is “mini.”

They’re commonly called ‘mini-strokes,’ but they’re transient ischemic attacks (TIAs). They basically are tiny, mild strokes caused by small blood clots. They tend to last only a few minutes and don’t cause permanent damage. However, they can be indicative of future TIAs and full-on strokes (ischemic or hemorrhagic)…

(contemplates jokes involving pegs/pegging, vomits)

the video pretty clearly shows that he was fighting for his life after trying to run away from the scene where he had just murdered someone.

He’s a minor who transported a firearm across state lines without a parent/guardian. That alone is worth a couple years. Throw in the murders and you have a kid going to jail for the rest of his life, assuming he gets a real judge and not some Trump appointee that learned law from a Cracker Jack prize.

How long until Fat Donny Two Scoops appoints him head of the Department of the Navy?

The Video Committee of the Republican National Convention approves.

Every time i read one of these, I go to Amazon and shop waffle irons, but so far I have maintained my resolve.

Here come the Trump loving magats, rolling in to Portland.

And some goooood weed.

And about 30 bottles of alcohol.

I look forward to the article explaining to me that I should inject a slice of American cheese directly into my left ventricle.

that’s one glorious-looking next-day calzone

I am starting to worry you’re living in a closet with a waffle iron. 

Look, I already have too damn many things in my kitchen and your ceaseless shilling for Big Waffle is not helping!

Claire: Going where no one has gone before, then writing about it.