wait wait wait. When did banks become a fucking moral majority?!?!?

Duane Reed. Duh.

yeah, but then I have to outsource. It's so much easier to get it all done under one roof.

well fuck me gently with a chainsaw.

dammit. Now where am I going to host my meth fueled goat sacrifice midget orgy???

Well if it's free for prime,I've got a welcome home for it on the hdmi input on my home theater receiver. Who needs a smart TV??? ?

You know, I was asked about package deal to get a concealed carry permit as part of a group purchase, because hey it doesn't hurt to have. I realized, if I really needed a ccp for when the crap hits the fan, why bother with the ccp? I don't need to justify an unserialized weapon during the end of humanity.

And here's the reason why I won't have kids. It'll be easier to defend myself.

both of my parents are deaf. My dad's an asshole. So there's that.

Dear world,

Red velvet cupcakes = red. The first time it happened, I was scared.

I LOVES ME SOME PONO!! oh wait.

I remember eating ten one time. My teeth hurt for a day or so afterwards.

Wait for the hasidic landlord to demolish the place and then claim you're an anti semitic for confronting them about it. Google it. Joel Israel.

Yep. Forrest will kick its ass.

Don't forget the wireless charger embedded in the desk.

"A dog is a tiny tragedy waiting to happen"

THERE SECONDS! THREE FUCKING SECONDS! that's how long it took to make me cry. Fuck you Chevrolet. You don't know what it's like. I have an eleven year old Chihuahua with a brain tumor. Don't you dare equate your shit box rust bucket with the love of my fucking life.

Her picture is threatening me. I feel I need to stand my ground.

I'm 6'2", 185 pounds, do absolutely zero exercise, drink 4 liters of vodka a week and I'm the picture of health.