Congratulations Stef Schrade for COTD!!!! Here is your gift along with a frosty natty ice, You have won the internetz!

Shit. Smoking pot just jumped the shark. Well there goes twenty years of my life.

Actually, I'm 1/128 indian. It's my birth name. He who sleeps on couches.

THIS IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE TO BE THE FIRST PERSON IN THE NATION TO OWN A BRAND NEW UNRELEASED MICROSOFT XBOX ONE, US Version, 500 GB CONSOLE, BRAND NEW IN ORIGINAL BOX, OVER 2.5 WEEKS BEFORE ITS NATIONWIDE RELEASE!!!

Ill just leave this here.

Skandi flick?

Robophobe American? I loves me some robitussin!

So this time, Rose is getting right on top of that? I actually developed an emoji for it.

Because like my last girlfriend who is Russian, she's batshit crazy.

Grass in the ass and it doesn't bother that police department if it smells like gas.

But she's not murican!! She doesn't deserve it. Go back to where she came from! Not trolling. Just imagining how America's finest racists will be reacting shortly.

GO FIEVEL!!!

GO FIEVEL!

far better.

Holy crap. Hillary Clinton and Elizabeth Warren had a baby. And she is amazing!!!!

Only if they're neatly organized in rows. And usually wrapped in bows.

And yet here I am, a financially stable single white male for ten years who lives alone. Go figure.

Honey.... Is my phone under the blanket again???? 3....2....1....YOU'RE AN ASSHOLE!