Hitler and Satan? Don’t you mean, Saddam and Satan?

No fairytale wedding dress?

Anyone wanna invest in my haunted house where you walk around and cute animals in costumes come out and you pet them and give them treats and everyone goes home happy and not at all traumatized?

In his defense, removing himself from her life forever was one way to cure her of a cancer.

I feel like he’s got two very specific butthole looks. One is the “I totally dominated that situation and feel smug about it” puckered look, which is more like a chicken’s butt - just kinda .... gathered, weirdly.

At least British class comes with centuries of tradition, or at least practices from the Victorian era, and loads of eccentricity, and substance abuse, and funny ways of speaking the wang-widge. In America we have Trump. And Mark Zuckerberg. And the Kardashians.

I’m glad the tutor at least got the kid thinking that *maybe* going and invading and colonizing foreign lands was not a good thing. As a British Indian, that must have been a bit gut wrenching for him.

Yes! I just wrote in another comment how very much I enjoyed hate-watching “the family” on that show, especially the dad. He seemed to delude himself into believing he actually WAS the lord of that Manor, incredible.

they should cast Zoe Saldana instead

Word of the day: encroach

Back when we both lived in Asheville, I shared a gyno with Ms. MacDowell and for TWO YEARS IN A ROW I had the appointment right after her. It’s the closest I’ll ever come to having sex with a celebrity.

Are we breaking out the French Tricolor filters for our profile pics again after this?

My mother had a saying: “Well, he can’t fall off the floor.”

okay so I’m late to the party and I’m a disgusting person so this is about what I did but... one time I was partying with my girlfriends at a bar and we went to the bathroom to do some cocaine. After doing said cocaine I thought I had to pee so I sat down to pee while my friend was still in the stall with me as we…

What? Is that weird?

I was 17 (18 maybe?) years young working at a Starbucks when we were visited by a couple we soon came to know as the Mocha Frap Couple. Their MO was as follows: order a Venti Mocha Frap, proceed to the restroom while the drink is being made, smear handfuls of human feces they had brought with them in a plastic market…

Once at a disco, I had to go in to the ladies room and ask two very drunk lesbians to stop having sex and sniffing coke on the floor (I did not see the latter part, they were definitely high). I was young and, frankly, a lot out of my depth so I ended up telling them, ‘It’s not hygienic. Pigeons get in here.’*

I don’t think Mariah knows her.

O my god.

This is an impressive cast of maniacs. Did you go to school in Florida?