Yeah, the receding hairline on the guy on the right is SO SEXY. TAKE ME NOW!!

My hair is just like me. It just sort of lies there lethargically. Indifferent to the world.

My favorite:

We’re watching a man go through a really bad mid-life crisis in public. I feel for him. I’m rooting for you, Johnny! There’s a light at the end of this tunnel. Also, that new wife of yours is no good for you. Seriously.

I would be insulted if my ransom was only $8,500.

I love hotels, too, and you know what I do with all these filth stories? I just DON’T WORRY ABOUT IT.

How did they suspect it was meth? That seems like a leap, and it wouldn’t be in the first 20 things I’d suspect.

Yeah, wait until her kid, Turf or Slack or whatever, goes to school and they won’t let him/her bring its gun in.

Well and let’s be honest, Kylie is the last of like 47 kids. I only have two kids and the youngest barely gets a shrug when he eats off the floor or acts like a dick to his sister. I can’t imagine how easy it would be to just sigh and agree to surgery after all the bizarre physical shit the other 46 daughters (sorry,…

Why haven’t you had kids? That’s why.

Elsewhere, Cattrall is pretty happy with the way her life has gone. She’s painted her bedroom pink and sleeps in the middle of her king size bed where she farts and snores as she pleases. Isn’t that what we all want?

Blah Blah Blah Blah COLIN FIRTH! Blah Blah Blah...

YASSS. If the Kinja godz are listening, I’d be happy to (help) curate!

no, not every time. not even most of the time if you are a normal customer. i mean if there is a stockroom and a good chance of something in the back, most of the time the employee will just go check right away.

I have to agree with David Sedaris, it all comes down to fingerprints. Every wanna-be comedian is unfunny in the EXACT SAME WAY.

Well, it was supposed to come out December of 2013 I think. Then it fizzled out then it apparently was never even finished to begin with?? IDK BUT I AM STILL WAITING

This right here is why we need BCO for Retail.

When I managed a Borders we were also responsible for this small calendar kiosk on the other side of the shopping center. I was there covering someone’s lunch break and this crazed woman came over demanding why we had no bichon frise calendars. The dog calendar people were always the weirdest.

Is that the restaurant equivalent of the “if there’s no price tag it must be free haha” joke?

“Did you accidentally pick up your husband’s magazine?”