It’s hopeless for me. I find myself raising my eyebrows and making faces and whatnot even while having imaginary conversations. :-)

Really should be fine with a full lining.

Apparently “geometric patterns” is a culture. It is populated by those people in your math problems who buy 70 watermelons and leave Dallas on trains travelling 60mph.

I feel like it’s also pretty funny shade that “festival” and “whites” are practically identical. They might as well both be under the heading “basic.”

Thank you. Not “relationship,” either. Predatory behavior and grooming. And fuck that fucking family.

Not “sex.”

It’s hilarious that, amidst life and death crisis, they took the time to photograph their improvisations and post them to Twitter. That brought a smile to my face despite the situation.

Chance of someone on a shooting spree stopping to check twitter is much lower than the chance of someone hiding in a room checking social media to find out what the situation is, and possibly seeing a better way of barricading the door.

Now this is what is amazing - in the face of potential danger, a virtually unknown situation, these students kept their heads about them and started improvising locking mechanisms for the doors. These are the guys that I want engineering cars, buildings, safety features, and being on the front lines in urgent…

Nonsense, Guns are banned in all sorts of places. UCLA for one example.

I am personally offended by this guy because Keira Knightley is my Imaginary BFF, and how dare he insult her? All those feelings you people have about Jennifer Lawrence? I have them for Keira Knightley instead.

Playing QWOP with the Vitruvian man as your character must be impossible.

I SET FIIIIIIIIIIRRREEEEEE TO THE RAAAIIN

My uncle once witnessed one of his fish giving birth and immediately turning around and eating the babies.

We got a saltwater tank and a clownfish after Finding Nemo and that little fucker killed EVERY fish we bought. We ended up with a 55 gallon tank and one clownfish in it. Because Nemo is an asshole.

We didn’t get out of the stone age, actually. When I talk with my wife about anti-vaccination people, climate change deniers, or Republicans, I remind her that the minds that found it reasonable to test a woman for witchcraft by dropping her into a river are the same minds that we use today.

Eh, I don’t think men make a big deal out of displaying their dicks in the bathroom. Most folks just want to pee and get out. I think she is far more traumatized by this raging maniac trying to beat up her dad than she would have been by a glimpse of penis.

Ummmm, are we looking at the same thing? Aside from the different look, are we not basically talking about an air hockey table done up with electronics instead?

You really need to read your Adam Smith: “It is not from the benevolence (kindness) of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker that we expect our dinner, but from their regard to their own interest.”

And this TSA fiasco is not a product of under-funding. It is a holdup by public employees that we should not tolerate.…

Don’t lock up the phone, just lock up the kids. Problem solved.