First thought: Perhaps he's health conscious or wants to know about an possible aallergen.

Lost in the greatness of this play was well-executed umpiring. 3rd base ump had to run down the line in case the hit dropped foul. Home plate ump went to cover 3rd, as the play likely would have been there without the Cespedes bobble. But when the throw came home the 1st base ump had come down to cover and make the…

He already said Scientologists.

I had a huge knock-down-drag-out with my ex about overpopulation when she wanted to watch that atrocious 19 Kids and Counting or whatever the fuck they call that Fertile Myrtle show. I said it was outlandish and completely irresponsible to have that many children, and she countered with "yeah, but they take care of…

A friend of mine was born without his right hand. He has a small "nub" instead. When he was young, he used a prosthetic hand that he didn't like very much. We were on a soccer team for 6 and 7 year olds, and during one game he was using his prosthetic hand (and had had it on all day) when it became uncomfortable. So…

Police are detaining Kaepernick because they heard that he's always a threat to run.

(Whispering...) It was a 270. Let the true set you all free.

15. Don't take money from anyone for the wedding if you don't want them to have a say in the proceedings.

He next needs to be assigned to crack the Craig James at SMU cold case. The victims deserve justice.

This list is so fucked Derek Jeter keeps trying to give it a gift basket.

"Gland Bandits"?

ESPN: This has been a tough decision for us Rick, but you're fired.

"THIS IS HORRIBLE I'LL NEVER USE FACEBOOK AGAIN WHO'S WITH M-wait I forgot what I was complaining about. Oh well, guess I'll go on Facebook."

PRIEST MODE

Vietnam War

HERE'S THE MESSAGE: KNOCK IT OFF OR YOU WILL LOSE YOUR JOB!

Also apparently a Rush fan.

Third, and this is for Raysism, if you took all the night after gift baskets Derek Jeter has dispensed in his career and lined them up in one long row—THAT is how far I can punt a football.

NFL: "Nigger" is a bad word that drags us back to the days of slavery. Now step on this scale and run the 40 yard dash so we can measure your physical attributes and let rich white men decide where you get to live and work.