The Twins plan to give him a chair made out of the balls he didn't get to in the hole.

Really hope the United States Ski Jump team can get their shit together this year.

This column is horrible!! So let me get this straight - people are complaining that the free stuff they're getting isn't good enough?? Give me a break! C'mon Deadspin, get your act together, this is a pathetic article and I expect much better content when I visit your site!!!!

"Wait, there's now a Shorter BBWAA? Finally, maybe now they'll let me in."

Minnesota addendum:

Man, I'd be pretty bummed too if I had the same phone for 4 years. Make sure you read that contract next time so that you can upgrade sooner

~50 years later...

The House GOP immediately filed a motion to terminate Russell, based solely on the fact that Obama embraced this Bill.

Since the Cardinals are so old school you'd think they would fear delta.

I wanted to mess around with six degrees, but I kept getting redirected to a page to update George O'Leary's resume.

It wasn't Peterson's son after all? Whew, that's a relief. I feel so much better knowing that this incredible piece of shit beat up someone else's 2-year-old.

I have no idea where Rick is going to sleep tonight after his wife throws him out of the house. I bet all the hotels in town are crowded, so there must be some way of assuring that he'll have a hotel room available!

I have re-written the letter to reflect its theme:

A once-serviceable airline claimed by Georgians as reparations for Northern Aggression and then slowly burned to the ground by way of periodic mechanics's strikes. The tape recordings at issue are in below-ground storage in Detroit.

Unfortunately, when she blew her way to a .224, the police were able to arrest her for both public intoxication and impersonating Mike Moustakas.

"If the 43-year-old Rivera still gets fired up by what most fans now consider dad rock, well, he's earned the right by sticking around so long."

He doesn't, and never has. From this article (http://www.nytimes.com/2006/04/05/spo…):

Joe Buck's call was staged. Not worthy of comparison.

Sportscenter.

Why doesn't he just ask Rick Reilly? Dude's been phoning it in for years now.