It’s the X button and the circle button. Has been since the PS1.

No. 

On Junior’s last birthday, Trump sent him a card that read, in primitive Sharpie scrawl,

As angry as I am at Trump, I’m even more angry at Marianne Williamson.

A stopped clock is right twice a day and this is one of those times that I agree with Trump.

Trump: I’ve got this cockamamie idea that we should nuke hurricanes.

And of course, ‘tis the season for pumpkin spice IPAs (aka, PSLs for white dudes).

Take a holistic and in-depth look at your compensation.

Can’t really bitch about my job.

None of you posted this?

- said no man ever.

Indeed you are.

So what you’re saying is that the Giant had a penile enlargement procedure done (and it went horribly, horribly right!)

I'm fairly certain that nuking hurricanes results in sharknadoes. 

Is it because the officers can be heard on the tape calling the man “boy”?

Or, you could just salt the skin liberally with Lawry’s. 

Welcome to America in 2019, where a Republican president orders private businesses how to run their operations and where free market capitalism is a communist idea. 

I was pleasantly surprised by Trump today.

Antwerp: We’re not even in Denmark!

If Denmark doesn’t immediately agree to sell Greenland to me, I will nuke Antwerp.