Where is Rand Paul's neighbor when you need him? 

JEFFREY EPSTEIN: Who’s the hot little blonde number over there?

SEYMOUR! THE HOUSE IS ON FIRE!

Look how happy the detainees are. They can even garden. See... Nothing like concentration camps. 

As rundown as Utica may be, they still know how to make a mean steamed ham. 

For a second, I thought that was John Mulaney. In which case, yes, I would love to see John Mulaney play Elvis. 

There is nothing more quintessentially New York than an old white coot telling a Puerto Rican born in the Bronx to “go back to your country.”

Blue Lives Matter. Unless they're black. In which case, Rent-A-Cop Lives Matter. 

Luvdisc evolved forms are Clitoreen and Geespot.

Joe Arpaeio in a wig. 

So Roman Polanski, Harvey Weinstein and Donald Trump walk into an English pub...

Do you know the scene in Skyfall where Javier Bardem describes how they got rid of rats on an island by trapping them all in a pit and letting them eat each other until only two horrible cannibal rats remained?

I see that the new season of Friday Resignations has started. 

Actually, the strip club tourney at Doral is because TRUMP ISN’T MAKING MONEY ON HIS GOLF COURSES.

Homes have crawl spaces out of necessity. In clay or silt soils, the ground may not support a concrete slab. So instead, the foundation is built around where a slab would be using masonry.

Fast travel is one of the worst game mechanics out there. I get the reasoning - players don’t want to spend hours schlepping across the map. But then why make such a big map.

I, too, wish you both were fried chickens.

At a certain point, our concentration camps will become death camps.

Never forget Trump’s favorite President - Andrew Jackson.

Dave Matthews Band sucks and SiriusXM sucks more for giving its own channel.