Maryland was a Union state because Lincoln stationed troops throughout Maryland. Having your capital surrounded by enemy forces is that good way to lose a war.

People seem to forget that Maryland is south of the Mason-Dixon Line.

His black friend is a white guy named Russell Black.

I disagree.

“Papa”

LIES!

Odd how two Republican congressmen from California who voted to raise taxes on their own constituents to finance tax cuts for the super-rich are now retiring. It’s almost like they know that they are slightly less popular in their districts than a herpes flare-up.

I miss the good old days when you had to steal urine out of the toilet after your wife peed and then vlog about it for clicks before being exposed as hoaxsters.

Gentleman’s Agreement: an agreement among gentlemen whereby they agree to fuck everything and everyone in sight, themselves excluded (unless there’s money to be had in fucking each other over too).

Between Steve Bannon getting shitcanned from Breitbart and Trump purportedly softening his stance on DACA, the Deplorables in the Breitbart comments section have been furious today, with much gnashing of teeth and rending of MAGA hats.

We no longer know. Females tend to be between 60-80 lb. But she is already at the high end of the height chart and she won’t start filling out for another few months. My gut tells me that she’ll top 80 lbs.

The thing is that she doesn’t have teeny eyes. She has a giant head. And even her head isn’t giant. But her coat makes her head look giant.

His name is in honor of all you lentil-eating lesbian shitasses.

My wife has the talent.

We trim the fur between her pads every couple of weeks.

As funny as it is to laugh about Trump Tower catching fire or how he is, like, a stable genius, I still hate to end the day thinking about Our Moron President.

“Fuck this douchebag.”

What’s the difference between a man and trash?

Disney’s currently toying with the idea of having Tony Shalhoub play upwards of 80% of the background characters.

You just described how most of my family’s Seders end.