God, that dumbass.

Everything is relative. The changes you can make in the short term by choice are much less painful than the ones you will be forced to make down the road. All are dwarfed by the upheaval faced by the global poor, who are always worst affected by every catastrophe.

So what you’re saying is “The hell with the planet you don’t feel like spending your money to make the world better.”

This is your counterargument:

Well be reasonable! You’re not a climate refugee for Pete’s sake; your bellyaching about minor adjustments to your home or lifestyle sound crass in the context of global crisis, in my opinion.

always love this one:

If you exhale and stretch, I think you can cram it just a little further up there.

“Fuck the millions of people who live 6 feet or less above sea level - electric stoves are amateur hour! What good are their lives and livelihoods if I can’t cook exactly like my favorite wank-muse, Ina Garten?”

If the GOP has taught us anything, it is that we should be resolute in our desires and not settle for less than a total victory.

Really what this whole end-of-the-world thing comes down to, isn’t it? inconvenience.

This is a great plan, but with Congress as it is now, it has a snowball’s chance in hell (soon to be known as “summers”) of going anywhere.

Dear America - you need Bernie. He’s not the hero you deserve, but he is the one you need.

Yeah, my eyebrows shot up pretty fast. I don’t know if the entire commercial played through because we changed the channel to watch the rest of the address.

Looking at the before and after pics on presidents is insane. Clinton and Bush both went basically white.

As soon as he started taking about Muslims being our friends and partners, Fox news in Detroit cut to commercial. Possibly an accident, but not altogether surprising.

After watching how Obama looks now, does anyone else just want to take the guy on a vacation? Some place sunny and relaxing. He has gone so pale that he is gray. His hair is matching. He has aged twenty years in the manner of seven years.

No, Donald, you pinheaded fuckwad, ISIS is what they prefer to be called. Why would you acknowledge their aspirations to create and govern a legitimate Islamic state in the region?

Wouldn’t finding condoms usually indicate that a person takes care not to get pregnant?

Oh wait! I haven’t told you guys the funniest part. I work as a phone sex operator and when my mom found out she called me a slut and now she wants to quit her job and have me show her how to be a phone sex operator. That is how insane my mother is. That shows you the level of crazy I deal with.

So, she found a psychologist from the Jenny McCarthy School of Fraudulent Science and Stupidity?