I had zero issues with German drivers.

Very rarely do you need fractions like that.

“Call my ex-wife, Please!” - Josh Duhamel  

If you’re 6'7" of power forward, why would you be intimidated by George Lucas’s secret love child?

1. By Josh Duhamel’s estimation we are all pricks who owe Fergie an apology.

Is there a future where the NFL looks more like flag-football than full contact?

This allegation will go nowhere. Since when does the FBI investigate business estimations? If we prosecuted every estimate that did not meet actual results, every C suite executive in publicly traded companies would be in prison.

Really? got to keep tabs on cars but when it comes to a lifetime appointment on the supreme court for an accused rapist we can just slough that one off. Sheeeeeeeeit.

Just as I was about to leave early and stop by my local McLaren store to place an order.

It’s like you’re always stuck in second beer.

The good table was reserved for your brothers. 

I’M WORRIED ABOUT THE LACK OF MANUAL AND THE REPLACEMENT COST OF THESE UNNECESSARY ELECTRONIC NANNIES.

I came to say this - particularly at a ‘nice’ restaurant.

“Why can’t I have the good table?”

Cuz that table you want is in Carla’s section and Carla’s on a smoke break, but if Carla comes back and finds Denise waiting on a table in her section there’s gonna be a murder. 

Found Rude Negro’s burner account.

You can't have it because nobody fucking likes you.

Want to open a restaurant?  Consider a quicker form of suicide instead.

How this will actually play out, in real life:
Army: “materials scientists have worked for decades to reduce the weight of your kit by 20%!”
Every Sergeant Major Everywhere: [scrambles to figure out how to make Soldiers carry 20% more gear]

I think we all know the correct answer to the weight problem. Powered exoskeleton armor