The idea that shit-talking a candidate during a primary harms them in the general was probably never very true, and most assuredly isn’t true at all now. The overwhelming majority of people in this country know who they will vote for next November based solely on the letter by their name. Modern American elections are…

They think this either won’t happen or that their children’s inheritance will shield them from consequences.

“Vice President, what are your feelings on reparations?”
“Triple money to schools! I was married to a dead teacher! Black parents need to be shown how to put a record player on at night so their kids hear more words.”
Centrist third way: That’s MY President. 

Maybe if you didn’t wear 4-6 shirts to bed you would not sweat so much at night.

Yeah, but in defense of the AUMF, who could have predicted that the US invading Afghanistan would lead to a military superpower being sucked into an unwinnable quagmire that drags on for decades?

Strategic kitten reserves are a staple of any good party.

Jack:

Idea: Instead if team logos, all helmets from now on will feature pictures of the players face. 

The Cowboys are “America’s Team” in that we have a president who suggested we nuke hurricanes. That is the Cowboys.

He looks like Tony Robbins had surgery in an attempt to look more like Casey Affleck.

browns fan here: i actually was rooting for the browns to lose that game, just because the steelers missing the playoffs meant so much more to me than the browns finishing with a winning record.

The best part for Steelers haters is that the team stayed on the field to watch the end of the CLE-BAL game on the final Sunday of the regular season, hoping for a Browns win so PIT could make the playoffs. The Browns naturally lost. I can’t think of a better ending for these shiteaters than to be reduced rooting for…

In the movie Cast Away, Tom Hanks spends four years on an island....alone. When he returns to civilization, his estranged wife notes “We got a football team now.”

Nashville is the spiritual home of every suburban girl who claims to be “country at heart” because she owns cowboy boots and her parents are racist.

Yeah, we judge them.

I love these conservative dystopia concepts because everyone always looks so happy in them. Really tells you where the priorities are. 

The wind might stop? In your dreams, Donnie, in your dreams.

Some people don’t care about wealth, some people just want to watch the world burn

A decade seems optimistic. I’m thinking generations.