This right here is my entire childhood. Also, I went back and forth a lot on whether it would be good to speak every language. Like, genies being tricky and all, you would end up speaking to plants and animals, but then would that be cool or would that be annoying?

Absofuckinglutely agree with you 100%. I’m tired of people who voted for him trying to pretend they are not racist, xenophobic, woman-hating pieces of shit. They are totally ok with brown US citizens being asked for their papers while taking a walk, and being detained without counsel for weeks on end. They’re fine…

Seemingly no-one who is pro death penalty seems to actually understand how the death penalty works, and that it is wasteful and inefficient in addition to being arguably cruel and unusual punishment. The death penalty is expensive. Death row inmates most often linger on death row for well over a decade. And just…

The basic problem in this country’s broken incarceration system continues to be that we do not and cannot believe in rehabilitation. We believe in good people and bad people, period, full stop, which is why people often handwave racist actions and blow up at the suggestion that someone is or has ever been racist.…

Oh my god. They really want this to be Nazi Germany. It is terrifying that the police don’t seem to see the problem with demanding someone’s papers while they are out for a walk!

If you shave your legs every few days and then wash them off, does that not count?

Wasn’t he born a gentile in the 1800s? He probably would have a foreskin.

What she did was terrible and yes, she should go to prison.A women’s prison. With other women. WTF is with this anti trans nonsense thrown in there?

Let’s all pity this woman, though, because that comment tells me she’s never gotten anything but dutifully ejaculated in once a month for 17 years.

Excuse me they are called celebrity weeklies!

Qualified???? Have you even been paying attention to these hearings? Do you also think Jeff Sessions is qualified? :(

Oh, my dude. My fellow ladydude. Listen, I am responding to you because this is the third comment like this I have seen on this piece and l am sure there are more. Do you not see how these types of comments on this article resemble male comments on Jezebel pieces on street harassment or whatever where the guy goes,…

The piece was an excellent piece of satire, really beautifully done, but satire nonetheless. Unfortunately for all of us, Joe Scanlon really exists and reacted that badly when he was called out.

Yeah, that’s what I figured. Also, used to know these doofuses who would soak their shitty weed in molasses because they were convinced no one would be able to smell it and know they were smoking weed. Which, come ON.

I remember mine but my stupid Mom told my Dad, so. :(

HOLD UP why are you ranking Rugrats above Rocko’s Modern Life??? I mean. Wacky Delly.

I also realized that I play with makeup NOW, like what even is the point of Sephora if not to play with makeup? But I can never bring back the cartoons I used to watch as a kid.

Well, from the other side of the fence, I’d like to let you know that you didn’t miss anything because we were teenagers and there was nothing to do. Who were all these cool teens who had fake IDs and shit? Not meeee. Also, who wants to celebrate that one obnoxious friend you had who was never happy with your snack…

For real! I was chomping at the bit to vote! I was SO READY. Also, I was pretty sure that once I was legally able to vote, everything would be fine. “I have this in hand, everyone, we’re good now.”

FFS that’s exactly what I thought, too. Racists are so dumb.