This wedding shit is getting out of hand. The universe does not revolve around 1) you or 2) your wedding budget or 3) your gift registry. It’s a party you chose to throw, people are not legally bound to show up (even when they said they would). Weddings are becoming the outlet of choice for asshole behavior nowadays.

No because that would be my crazy Aunt who did the following:

AWFUL. Ugghhh.
I went to a wedding where the bride and groom had everyone to stand on the dance floor while they performed a THIRTY MINUTE medley of songs. Not like, a funny medley. Just... sang together while they made everyone watch. They are not musicians. I mean, it’s your wedding, do what you want but...

A Story of Few Words: A Sexy Haiku

Thank god someone in this country is will to ask the question “but how do white people feel right now?”

Yes, Bristol, you’re absolutely right. The police who dragged a 14-year-old out of school in handcuffs for building a science project and subjected him to hours of racist interrogation without allowing him access to a lawyer or his parents are the real victims here. The police and white people everywhere. Can’t put…

They never took a doggie bag home and they never touched Golem Jesus’s meal.

I thought the rule was you tip based on what the meal would have cost without coupon. Fifty-buck bill that would have been 80? Tip on 80.

Thems his formal overalls.

kim davis’ husband is the ghost of a confederate soldier

He did!

Once, my mom and dad told us they were giving us the house for the weekend while they were taking a cruise. I was 18 and I was going to have friends over. It was going to be a fantastic weekend!

I am making the quite likely unwise decision to comment before I click through to the original article, because I didn’t see any mention on the bride’s part that she’s sent a heartfelt thank you letter to her bridesmaid for being part of her wedding party.

I disagree. I think this bride _should_ confront her friend about the lack of gift, so that the bridesmaid has the opportunity to shit in a box and mail it to her, but that's just me.

I had my nexplanon replaced a few weeks ago and I was like “nope, I don’t care what the package insert says, we’re using condoms for the next two weeks”.

Many years ago at the group home for developmentally disabled teens where I worked there was a resident who really, really wanted to go to the best steak house in the city for his 18th birthday. He had behavior and anger issues, but was determined to earn that birthday dinner, and he managed it. So another staff…

Judy Blume: replacing people’s moms since 1970.

Discovered that a fellow camper was my long-lost twin sister.

I guess this is the part where I become utterly hateable, but my wife and I are deeply in love, and after 14 years of marriage, I think she’d agree with me that, while life is hard, our marriage has been the easiest part of it. And that’s with infertility, cancer, and parental disability thrown in. It’s the marriage…