all of this, PLUS he desperately needs a nose hair trimmer.

it’s funny because Derek Jeter has genital herpes

A kid I went to elementary school with had an entire fucking BASEBALL DIAMOND in his front yard, and well maintained to boot. I thought these people were LOADED. His dad was actually a big rig driver so for most of my adolescence I just assumed big rig drivers were all insanely rich, considering they owned frivolous…

I’ve actually been removing the nest daily, but those persistent keep putting it back up. Eventually one of us is going to win the game of attrition.

Counterpoint: birds are assholes. Some robins put a nest up on my deck and dive bomb me anytime I walk out there, rendering my deck useless for the next few weeks. I just want to use the grill, maybe drink a beer.

I suspect you need more practice working your kinja machine

I’m always taken aback by W’s cat-like reflexes.

Did shrooms once in high school with a friend and it was an unmitigated disaster. Friend’s parents came home unexpectedly that night with pizza and wanted us to eat with them. Tried to hold it together, friend started smearing a slice of pizza all over his entire face. Needless to say the cat was out of the bag, it…

this is absolutely one of the classic episodes of KOTH

+1 gift certificate

I don’t understand snapchat. I just thought this was the app the kids used to send pictures of their wieners, but #brands all have accounts. Like will Pepsi send me a dick pic on snapchat? Please advise.

Any mention of Patrick Ewing always brings me back to this quote from Norm MacDonald:

you’re a kinja god.

yeah but how many touchdowns is he going to score this year?

We were pulled from bed in the middle of the night, taken to Denny’s and made to eat a stack of pancakes with our hands tied behind our backs.

This is a terrific idea. Having spent time in Mexico City, you see a LOT of people in Raiders gear, there really does seem to be a fan base there.

I always wished players would go back to wearing those old timey goalie masks like Jason Voorhees. It would make watching hockey horribly unsettling AND protect the players’ teeth.

This story is full of lies, there is no way you made it home without shitting your pants

FINALLY a reason for people in San Diego to own scarves.