sharp!

Just got it. Laughably lame. Here’s what I got sent, for real, with the subject line, “keep calm”:

Congratulations! What a blessing. My “little boy” is now a junior at college. His big sister graduated last year and is now breaking into the publishing business in NY. Seems like it was just a couple of weeks ago that I was changing diapers. Now, all I do is pay for stuff and answer questions, but it’s the best gig…

Gwen, I feel your pain. I read your story with a sympathetic eye towards Brian—my wife and I are empty-nesters and I’m becoming a much better cook as we go along. But, as I read more of your tale, my sympathies turned towards you.  This is excessive.  For what it’s worth, our extended-family get-togethers are all of…

I watched this game. It wasn’t a rock-ribbed defensive battle; it was bad football. Oh, the defenses were certainly competent, but the offenses, both teams, were BAD. Kirk Cousins is getting $84M to overthrow, under-throw, and be generally out of sync with his receivers? At this point of the season?! He and I were…

Clearly, the most dangerous food is Blue and Gold sausage. It’s delicious. However, one day, in an effort to open the package and sear me up some of that wonderful, tasty stuff, I slid the knife down between the plastic and the sausage, and with a flick of my wrist... sliced the bejeezus out of the area between my…

I lived in NY, New Orleans, and Los Angeles before settling in Tulsa. Tulsa is a wonderful place to live and raise a family.

sounds like you’ve got an arch enemy!

I had a 72 Mustang with the SportsRoof option (calm down, it was a straight 6 with the 3 speed). This is about the same panoramic view. Buy this car now! In a few years, the only available Mazda 3s will all have dents in the rear fenders.

What’s got you so jumpy?

LOCK HER UP! (repeat at random occasions, forever, ad nauseam)

I’m a water-cooled Porsche owner.  Do I wait for a cider?

I’m hooked and I cant stop staring!

They vibin’ They VIBIN’ they vibin’.

I want a potato salad recipe. No, really. See, I make the potato salad for my family events.

wow. that wasn’t nearly as graceful as you might have intended.