It’s called having a “frap”.

This is why I hesitate to make plans with anyone from dating websites (fine, it’s OKCupid.) I have had guys cancel at the last minute numerous times. I assume it’s because they found someone else to go out with who they perceived to be better than me. It’s like getting stood up but with a reason. Fuck that.

THE ROSE PETAL INCIDENT IS EVERYTHING

(I promise this is about sex. Hang in there)

This is not my story. I was merely an observer on this crazy wedding hook-up ride.

My cat, who once opened a microwave oven while the popcorn was popping, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once destroyed a floor-to-ceiling lamp with her butt, has more self-control than the caramel lady.

My cat, who once fell off a bookshelf at 3 AM only to land butt-first on my face (catass…

Hey, my lawn is dead right now, Steve. Paying a ton in property taxes does not entitle you to use more than your fair share of water. No one is forcing you to live on a property that looks “like an African savanna.” Feel free to move, Steve. I bid you adieu. Bye!

Wait...is “stinky pussy” a real stereotype about white people? Or any race? I have never heard that one.

Oh my god, another Jezebel post praising the Galloway Gals? We get it, they were very influential in the feminist/dinosaur film landscape, let’s talk about something different for once. Jeez!

So much this. I feel like shit and I’m freaking out that I’ve been smoking for over 10 years but I. keep. doing. it.

It’s like KonMari, except easy, because the only things you throw out are your cigarettes and your entire sense of self.

jesus skateboarding christ, does this goddamn article speak to me.

I need to quit smoking. I’ve been crushing packs left right and centre lately. But it’s so gross. I FEEL gross. Why is it so hard to…

Which is why to most people the former smoker is the most boring person in the room

Yeah it’s called Entourage

True story: some guest’s +1 did this at my cousin’s wedding; it was basically a wedding dress if you married (hah) a little black dress and a wedding dress. Office printer paper white and more lace than the actual bride’s dress—justified, of course, by the fact that the +1 had been married 5 months ago and considered…

Boss move! Just as one would expect from a 52 year.

WOAH.

“I know I’m not the most handsome guy, but I bet I’d look a lot better with your pussy juice all over my face.”

One of the first texts I remember receiving from Mr. VonQueso: “I would hump the shit out of you.”

“So what’s the Diehl with sexting interns?”

Of course, JKR of all people knows how to shut that shit down.