It needs to go outside. I had a cat like that once. It would literally run up walls. Then my roommate and I moved to a place with a backyard and started letting him explore outside. (I know, I know. They kill birds.) His personality COMPLETELY changed. He would explore outside to his heart's content and then come…

great. Even my nipples retracted at that thought.

You know what would really make it fun for cats? Mice and birds.

Look, we need to stop the spread of Disneyland any way we can. Get your vaccines, America.

I just say with increasing volume, "fap fap Fap FAP FAP FAP FAP". It usually gets a laugh out of him.

I had red and white ones that I wore with a red and white pinstripe shorts one piece playsuit. I looked like an insane peppermint candy.

Pearly nail polish? Those barrettes with the skinny ribbons woven through them and dangling down? Those hair clips with the dangly leather thongs and purple feathers? The fat braided headbands? The opalescent pink/purple taffeta inserts in every prom and bridal dress in the land? FUCKING NEON???

Alright, I was not the disaster in this case, but I was responsible for the whole incident.

Hmmm. Which is worse?

I totally see this is literature as I'm watching up-and-coming writers. A guy will churn out a few macho bro-stories, get a book deal, win all the awards, be deemed a genius. A woman writing on a similar skill-level has to win every short story prize in the country to prove herself before she gets the book deal.

She sounds like she has accumulated a lot of wisdom over the years. Very thoughtful statements.

I'm dying at "fresh wailing mandrakes"

I wonder if she has considered the idea that all the fear-mongering is what makes her life seem so damn wonderful now? She was expecting it to be so bad that how bad it actually is doesn't seem bad at all! Yay for fear-mongering!

having a baby sounds a lot like being in grad school

GREAT article! It feels like she is going out of her way to hide something. Also, her line about waterproof eyeliner tipped me off. Really? When did she find time to put it on, with the gazing and all?

This has me wondering if post-partum mania is a thing. Heck, I've met a woman who was seemingly high on the hormone rush of being pregnant; the idea that someone would be high on new baby seems quite possible.

I'll tell you what nobody warned me about: All the goddamned laundry. We went from doing laundry maybe twice a week to doing it three or four times A DAY. (Granted, we had twins, but still.) Even having lived through it, I still do not understand how they generate so much laundry.

She needs a reality show. Where's E! when you need them?

*raises hand*

I've also seen generation x defined as early sixties to early eighties. Fritopie1 sounds like a good egg. I say we let her in.