I'm okay with this. I mean, I dress nice, but in a quirky-office dress code sort of way. My hair is short, my glasses are big, my thighs are the widest part of me. I'm not getting hit on at bars or catcalled, and it's fucking peaceful. Being the unfuckable like-a-sister woman has opened up a world to me I didn't…

Come on. This HAS to be a radio stunt, right? Some station is going to fess up any time now, and then I can stop dying inside.

OMG, Marry me, Erin. Marry the weirdo internet stranger, we will be so in love.

I'm sure you really missed out on something. Not satisfaction, but something.

"Hi, I hate the overwhelming majority of women, and how you're on my self-depreciating radar"

So, my husband was a butcher for a long time. His family also raised a handful of cows at a time. He's broken down a great number of animals in his time, and by virtue of it made sure I was properly meat-educated (it's a real panty-dropper, no sarcasm).

I just went to a wedding where the bride was vegetarian. There was a huge buffet of a million different tasty meatless options, and then a chicken dish and a meat-based sauce for those who wanted to either have chicken or drench their vegetarian options in meat.

This is the same voice as rhubarb lady.

Just once I want to see one of these guys find out they're being made fun of on the internet and watch them flood the comment section with either "I AM so cool! Wahhhhh!" or the "Woe is me, I was having such a bad say because I'm a sad clown, pity fuck anyone?"

I want to send this guy to my alma matter so he can "but art!" in front of hundreds of art faculty and students, and everyone can take a turn slapping the shit out of him.

The Mary Martin version was my first Peter Pan too, but I didn't like it much as a kid. I mean, to me, I was very confused that a grown woman was trying to pretend to be a little boy. I guess in my little kid head, I was like "But she's a grown lady, why does she want to be a little boy? Doesn't she have cool…

Right? Was she supposed to ask a teacher for a jar and ship the tissue to Mr Fuckhead Moses?

I keep hoping those of us here in MN will be quietly absorbed into Canada. We already sing their national anthem in the bars, eat poutine, say eh, totally get how cold they are. Feel free to invade us, Ontarians! We'll maybe raise a butter knife to you to make it look convincing that we tried really hard to remain…

That guy can get fucked forever. I would happily take a train to my friend's wedding (that I'm standing in) then start saving up for a miserable air ride.

The NFL: Fuck women, animals, and the general health of our own players; make my ass some money cuz SPORTZ!!!

The fear you can see in the still image alone made my stomach roll.

But that IS the assumption. I'm pretty certain at that point they hope she won't take them up on the offer, because apology is one you never have to make.

How out of your gourd do you have to be to think that asking students to bend over WON'T get you in a heap of trouble?

It's just a split tongue. It's all healed and perfectly clean and devoid of plaque or anything. It's not bad at all.

The one thing Shark Week never taught me.