When I was living in the country, this was a huge fear of mine. I'd heard of fake cops, corrupt cops, and that you should not pull over until you're in a populated area. Then I saw video of a woman who did that who was immediately pulled out of the car and pinned to the ground with a gun to her head for causing a…

I think it's cute how you think two bitter married fucks like us still have decorum around each other.

This is the part where I say that Mr. Hag is a member of the Huge Hangers Balls Club. Scrotal fit is the #1 deciding factor in buying pants, you can see them when he walks away.

What? You mean the powers that be in the NFL realized that after all these years of promoting violence against women and animals without punishment and covering up the seriousness of repeat head trauma, one little middle finger didn't seem so bad?

Women are up in your business touching your place of employment with their period-hands and making the whole place impure anyway. It's all a crapshoot when you let us out of our shame-huts.

Same. What the Hell? We got through a fucking shooting with everyone being calm and collected, and now we're going to be done in by PINTEREST?

There are some shots where her head is turned away and she looks a little more human, a little more like a teenager.

You know, honestly, this is so bad if you put it on mute.

I wish someone had given a shit when I called the cops about my stolen card number. I could tell them each and every charge by price, time, date, and location and the one place I had used the card in their town and at what time so that they could all see what was up. I got nothing. I got worse than nothing, I got some…

So my friends across the street were raised catholic, but eventually went to public high school and public school dances. Their parents have a HUGE painting of Jesus in their living room, and when taking pictures they would always position the couple so that Jesus was between them. It made for the most hilarious…

Well if you're going to use your God as justification for lobbing hateful language at strangers, you should have the balls to do it in His house.

That's why you have the damn reception in the first place; to offer refreshments and entertainment as a thank you for people coming out to witness the ceremony. That's the entire damn point of a reception - to host people!

Have you had that cocktail that's all ginger beer and whiskey? The Full Grown Man? I want to get sick on those.

Oh no, not Icehouse!

My sister had the Baby Alive, but my mom wouldn't let us feed it the goopy yellow food, only bottles of water. Because we were little, making it pee forever was really funny.

Actually, it would not count if it were against women. Women are not a protected group when it comes to hate crimes. YAY (cries into a bottle of booze).

These could be mine.

It has to just tear them up that the "dead baby" ice cream flavor sounds so damn good.

I need all my skirts to be big and poofy so I too can flounce away like this. You'll know I'm feeling offended by my stiff elbows and bouncing hoop skirt. Good Day!