Billy Ray’s tweet reminded me of this creepy time capsule, and now I’m reliving the horror of the early 00's. Thanks a lot, William.

My exact thoughts! I assume that there is a human corpse on that table we’re just not seeing.

Do not give our future tupee in chief any ideas. I do not want to know what kinds of rulings an Incitatus court would hand down.

There’s an old legend that when Ivan the Terrible saw Basil’s cathedral completed he had the architect’s eyes gauged out so he would never again create something so beautiful.

That train has left the station and is powering full steam towards the Columbia river. I have friends who have lived there a decade and now say things like, ‘maybe Vancouver?’

Even in his absence, Mark Driscoll’s influence is still felt.

It figures he would mistake “someone who makes decorations” with a journalist. Maybe he thought he was on Morning Joe.

Somewhere in Los Angeles a Tattoo Removal person is taking a well deserved nap.

All of this is awful. However, ‘sextortion’? Let’s not run amok with portmanteaus y’all. If God wanted these words to get married he would have said so!

Obama’s announcement might as well be: ‘look, I’ve basically nominated Atticus Finch (version 1.0). He is completely unobjectionable; if you refuse to confirm him, on your own head be it.'

What glorious monster brought this thing into the world?!

I sincerely doubt Rick Scott would run on the Democratic ticket.

“Jonathan Franzen” seems like a potentially rich new vein of law. Some enterprising law school should make a course out of it.

Wait is there a way to get back pay on this? Should I contact Jonathan Franzen? Should I tweet him?

FX’s viral marketing campaign really failed to commit on this one.

Republican party to Trump: “please remove your gaping maw from our dog whistle. You’re getting spittle on it."

To be fair, when was the last time you fired a gun while driving a pickup truck straight into an oil well? Anything less and you may as well be from Canada.

This would be quite effective were it not for the fact that “women: you have to treat them like sh*t” is the subtext for the entire Republican party.

I sort of agree. Sure, smoke pot every now and again and hit the coloring books with your kid. However, the everyday dude seems like he’s got a problem. (Just to be clear for the ‘you do you’ faction of the internet: I AM judging him, not for his problem—dependence on pot—but for his using his kid to rationalize it.)

Either Kanye got Kim’s password or they’re both going off the deep end of twitter fighting the entire world.