Oh my god. I thought she was pregnant again. All I could think was do not put her in KFed in the same room. She'd end up with triplets that were pregnant with their own set of triplets.

Joe Biden has taken the spot of most beloved dirty old man politician in my heart. It used to be Bill Clinton because c'mon who doesn't wanna tell a "Bill Clinton honka honkaed my butt during a polite receiving line photo op" story. I don't know what it is about Biden, but I just think he's hilarious

I'm sure being nagged into being a getting an education comes with its own set of regrets and what if questions that keep him up at night. Maybe all he wanted to do was be a surfboard maker and live in a van off Venice Beach but now he lives his own personal hell of a suit every day.

I'm thinking of all the random things that my parents gave me a check for during school. My parents would have been PISSED if I was buying a $350 a semester garage spot just to keep up appearances. They were on my campus at least 3x a year. Parents weekend where we did these really stupid meet the professor things and…

My parents paid my tuition and rent in college. I think they would have noticed something running afoul when my tuition checks went to my bank account or the check I wrote for books went into a paypal account where the name was suspiciously my name but with the middle initial being B. for books.

What a cutie! Good luck with that one. I see carpet and tile in your house. As a puppy owner, keep her blocked off from the carpet until she's 100% potty trained. Seems cruel now but it'll make potty training her easier in the long run.

Hellz to the no. Look at the women in Dexter Morgan's life. Rita ended up dead in a bath tub and Deb was always in a state of danger because Dexter couldn't be a serial killer who existed peacefully with other serial killers.

My number one rule is that if you've ever been accused of murdering someone you've slept with, I can't be with you. Its a deal breaker.

I feel like the worst part about this is the fact the robbery was attempted. If you're gonna go through the trouble of going through a lady's purse and you don't have her passcode, drop the phone in your pocket and flee. If you're trying to be hood, you need far more completed criminal acts. These attempted reports…

"Anything. Just Anything. Tall, short, big boobs, little, who cares; just no fatties" is going to be the next bumper sticker phenom. I can feel it in my bones

This struck a cord with me. You were good enough to date for two years but then he randomly decided he couldn't be seen with a "fatty" anymore? Dude. It was two years! People already saw you! Don't get in your own way, bro!

Send her the article directly and say that it opened your eyes to how you may have perceived things in the past and that it really made you think about how many times moments have been ruined between you two because of a misunderstanding. You're just SO excited to share that day with her and means so much to you that…

I live in a neighborhood and you see kids playing in their yards without supervision all the time. I mean, I have absolutely no ability to determine kids ages though. I've been in my backyard and told an elementary school aged kid to cut that out and you can't swing on a branch like Tarzan because that branch is…

My dog is essentially Angie Jordan. Its her way until pay day and where is her ham. If you're on the couch, she's on the couch making sure you have to sit in a yoga position. The only time my dog has ever been near me but not on me or pushing me off the couch/bed is when I had knee surgery. She just sat quietly on the…

I feel like Will and Jada have set such weirdly loose boundaries that they genuinely think its not a big deal. Normal parents have to teach their kids about social media and how the internet is forever. Celeb parents have to teach that lesson but with an added layer of how their reach is so much wider and that…

Someone ate this is pretty good. but I prefer the Cooking For Bae insta feed. http://instagram.com/cookingforbae#

I'd like to personally thank you for introducing me to that

Post offices tend to be pretty poorly lit and kinda creepy. I think that the post office would actually be the perfect place for it. Lets book it!

He's a pretty rich dude. He can afford to throw some 20's in a bucket and throw a match at it. Also, the fact that you use the phrase "net taxpayer" makes me realize the kind of person you probably are and I'd like to know how you feel about Obama's birthplace and your thoughts on the moon landing.

So you hope that his post office creative outlet is going to be performance art where he just sits in the middle of a poorly lit room reading internet comments calling him a loser as he quietly sobs? I'd prefer to see him read internet comments calling him a loser while he burns piles of $20's and laughs.