My parents, through convoluted hippie logic, decided it was best to clean with plastic-bottle vodka.

We should start trying to pick up cute introverts in the Introvert Lane

As I child I got excited when stores started installing auto checkout

I'm sure this is something that'd be absolutely fucking terrifying if ti actually happened, but as someone who finds things like small talk and eye contact with strange people who are being paid to deal with me...a silent transaction sounds amazing

Russ liked cock to some extent but I think he also really liked Pao.

Christ in a motherfucking rowboat that is perfection.

tell me more about this mail order bride

98% of all dudebros that complain about "ugly girls" are very, very ugly.

I picture him as a cross between Patrick Bateman and a neckbeard.

I'm proud of the fact that none of my family takes sugar in their grits. It might just be because everyone has the sugar (diabetes)

I say this half jokingly — that article is the epitome of food privilege

Some people take sugar in their grits.

Allergy shots are a damn scam unless you have the throat-closing, hive producing, death-courting kind.

I see you and raise you the many, many things you can cook cannabis into.

I was actually banned from eating those because 1/they aren't supposed to be eaten and 2/my mom is a hippie and she was convinced for years I was allergic to food dyes. There are definitely food dye allergies and that shit is very bad for you...but once I hit the age of reason I said fuck this noise and have never…

I am returning to kinja just to tell you a beautiful thing - bringing kinder into the US is not illegal. fuck souvenirs, I bring back kinder and various other delicious, cheap, not-laced-in-carcinogens snacks and candies all the time.