CALLED IT!!!! Seriously, the first time I saw an ad for this show I turned to my mom and said “how much do you want to bet that results in AT LEAST one abusive relationship.” Unfortunately she did not take me up on it so I won’t be profiting from my foresight but I guess I can settle for bragging rights.

Right? Because nothing emboldens a shy person like being in an emotionally (and possibly physically) abusive relationship with someone who’s really angry and controlling.

Based purely on the color of his skin, Obama would have been a slave. And why would being “forbidden from being black” lead them to “rest easy”?

Wow, she just keeps diggin’ that hole, doesn’t she?

When did Dave Chappelle get all articulate?

IDK, that’s nice of her but I don’t think it’s really news. Giving a crazy big tip to at least one server seems like a kind of rite of passage among the newly famous.

We can all take solace in the fact that he lived the most awesome life possible. Seriously, the man did EVERYTHING. I can’t imagine he died with many regrets.

Well...it said that he OFFERED her a Quaalude, which is a super skeevy think to do to someone you’d just met but it’s not quite on par with dropping that Quaalude into their drink when they’re not looking.

They keep leaving them on our front porch...we use them as kindling.

So are him and Chris Pratt just going to be in everything from now on?

IDK, he never looked all that big to me.

Will this make-up get me a boyfriend like this guy?:

I’m still confused as to how “sickos” that your child will never even meet mastrubating to a picture of them that you posted on Twitter is going to hurt them. I mean, sure it would be horrible if you were posting pictures of your kids on a site specifically intended for that purpose but if there’s people out there…

Plastic surgery....I know we’re all supposed to pretend we have unshakeable self esteem but I’ve often found myself thinking that it might be a good thing I’m not rich because if I had the option of just getting everything about myself that I don’t like hacked off I don’t think I’d be able to resist the temptation.

Men have been screeching “WOMEN DON’T CARE ABOUT LOOKS!!!” forever. If it were true, they wouldn’t still be complaining. Other equally shallow factors like wealth and social status can compensate for a lack of physical attractiveness but that doesn’t mean women are less shallow than men.

Ummm, no. “It’s ok for men to stop trying and you should still totally want to bang them no matter how much weight they gain because they’re nice guys and, I mean, what are you? some sort of shallow bitch? ...but you better hurry up and work off that baby weight missy! Having kids is no excuse for being lazy!” Has…

Well, of couse, every man deserves a woman who is both better looking AND less shallow than he is...because biology or some shit.

Exactly! All I’m trying to say is that you’re a stupid, selfish bitch who acts like you’re SO hot even though you’re AT BEST a four....and you should date me.

For a while it was trendy at my high school to snort pixie sticks.

Flying cars would combine all the dangers of driving with all the dangers of flying a plane.