Ok, you got me, I threatened to have a bunch of strangers on the internet think you to death...because that's totally a real thing that could actually happen...just as surely as you're "cop buddy" is a real person who actually has the power to do literally anything to me. I'm super scared right now.

I like how the family member acted like the blame was entirely on her for "seducing" her father, as though it's only rational to expect a man to not have sex with his own daughter if he's never offered the option.

Good luck explaining to then how what I said in any way amounts to a threat...god you're dumb. Ignoring you now.

The only time I ever eat Chipotle is when someone else offers to buy it for me, so I think I'm good.

If the combined will of people hoping that you die because you're a prick has an effect on life expectancy, then you won't live to see tomorrow.

...what happens when she lifts up her arms?

We truly are a hive mind.

Nothing here seems to say that the Filbit is "bullshit." Convenience is a good thing. The last sentence also makes no sense, it seems to imply that we should focus more on healthy habits instead of on exercise...exercise is a healthy habit.

I don't get what's supposed to be kinky about this...and that last image is super awkward.

I actually like the Californians sketches and I even I thought it went on too long, Taylor Swift was also not funny at all .

Yeah, you'd think a woman talking about her super-easy-and-painless late term abortion would be a red flag to anyone with common sense.

Don't forget the gays! They're doing their part to destroy civilization too!

I know, right? You can teach him to hate himself and then have your own personal supply of male tears to drink right there in your own home! What man-hating-toothed-vagina-haver could pass THAT up!

If I were Beyonce I'd be getting a little creeped out by this weird thing Kanye West seems to have for her...I'd also stand naked in front of full length mirrors, like, ALL the time.

Hey, a well trained parrot can do the same thing. *shrug*

How intelligent the Thing actually is is widely debated. It may not have been smart enough to think of that.

The lip liner on the dolls goes outside of their lip line, that's what I was referring to. Working so hard to be offended all the time must get exhausting.

If your 13 niece wears lip liner that goes outside her actual lip line you should definitely have a talk with her...for her own good.

I was going to keep watching it any way since my nightly routine is to watch the Daily Show and the Colbert Report before bed and I didn't know what else I was going to fill that gap with, so it's a relief that it's actually entertaining.

Why do all the Bratz dolls have lip liner that goes outside of their actual lip line? I rarely wear lip stick and even I know that that's a HUGE don't.