Yeah, if you have to flush more than two or three times, and you don’t know shit about plumbing, you call someone who does know shit about plumbing. You don’t just keep pushing the handle, but he’s a fucking idiot who doesn’t know how actual people live, so...?.

Sometime my toilets get fucked up and I have to flush twice, or take the lid off and jiggle things around. It’s a minor annoyance. I have never, in my fucking life, flushed “10 or 15 times.” I’ll also bet everything I own that fucking dolt has never stuck his hand in a toilet, or fixed *anything* at all on his own.…

WIC can be weirdly specific, too. I was behind a woman trying to use it to buy a gallon of milk, but it would only cover the generic brand. Which the store was out of, so it’s supposed to cover the next cheapest brand, but instead of just ringing it up, they took ten minutes to call a manager and check inventory. WE…

I laughed, but I also hate you for putting that image in my head.

I’m not taking a picture, but my senior year quote was “If I had the chance, I’d ask the world to dance.” Billy fucking Idol. And I graduated HS in 2003.

So, uh, one of my majors was Creative Writing, and I can now confidently say that my real mistake was specializing in poetry and non-fiction instead of “selling stupid shit to white women.”

For what little it’s worth from a complete internet stranger, I hope your Dad’s surgery goes smoothly, his recovery is quick, and no one gives you shit for decorating early.

Same, and was feeling like a bit of an asshole for siding with an HOA initially, but let the damn pregnant lady have her snowman. She gets to have her fun before a million years of not sleeping (I don’t have kids, I just assume), and I get to be glad I didn’t actually take the side of an HOA.

Monster! :P.

Haha, fair point! I’m totally in for cake. And while I can’t do croutons in salad or soup lest they get soggy, I eat my weight in stuffing every holiday season, and it is literally soggy bread.  I never said it was rational [insert shrug thingy].

My dad was born in 1960, and his idea of a wild night is drinking soda with dinner instead of milk (I don’t think he’s heard about water). He also likes mushy lima beans and canned asparagus, so... yeah.

Yup. I’m not even lactose intolerant, but one of my first childhood memories is me spitting out a mouthful of cereal with milk in it. Straight onto the carpet. I was not having that shit, and still only eat dry cereal, because people who like soggy grains are monsters.

I’m nearing 34, and I already broke my fucking hip slipping on ice two years ago. I don’t fuck with the outside.  I’d spend the next five months at home if I could, but since I can’t, I will crawl over the ice.  I’d rather look like a dolt than break myself again.

Man, if literally everyone around you dislikes and avoids you, maybe they’re not the problem...

Oh god, my husband puts me to shame when it comes to skin and hair care. He’s got a whole routine, and I’m like “Well, I washed my bra two weeks ago, I’m all set!”

I am literally wearing a hat right now because I didn’t want to take a shower today.

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR.  I’m turning 34 in a month, and dreading it, but I legit thought Jones was in his 50's, at least, maybe 60's.  He’s in his early 40's?  Damn, bigots don’t age well.  

So it’s ranch dressing, cheese, or an egg.

Took me a minute, and then another minute to see that there are two rows of titty. At first I though it was just around the chest, but there’s titty around the neck, too.  Like shark teeth.  

“If you don’t, then who will?”

I’ve never worked in a theater, but I still think people who don’t take out their own trash are somewhere around “Nickleback fan” on a scale of jackass to shithead. How fucking lazy and inconsiderate do you have to be think “I could hold this empty popcorn bag and soda cup for a minute and put it in a trashcan that is…