The devil doesn’t need an advocate, dude, at least not in this case. Without nationwide gun control reform, there’s nothing preventing someone from buying a gun legally in a state or city with laxer laws and bringing it back with them.  I mean, I’m glad that some states have reasonable gun control laws, but they’re…

I’d be happy for them to if it means I can throw my used tampons right in their stupid fucking faces. I no longer have any shits to give, and would truly relish an opportunity to pull my tampon out and throw it at some shithead anti-choicer protester. I’m so fucking sick of this shit. And the stupid fucking…

“Did a GREAT job on hurricanes.”

Yeah, even Ted Cruz’s children don’t love Ted Cruz.  Cant post any of the gifs or videos from my phone, but you know what I’m talking about.

Oh man, this is a way better punchline to the knock knock joke I made up a few weeks ago.

I hate you.  I’m laughing, but I hate you.  This is in my brain now.

Aw, fuck.  I actually have to watch Cats now.

He’s never going to pay, but everyone with a functioning brain cell already knew that, regardless of the outcome of the test.

I fucking LOVED the scene where Eleanor and Simone were questioning Chidi during his MRI. And definitely appreciated that the show didn’t set them up as rivals. More like co-conspirators with good intentions on the way to becoming friends. Simone is fucking awesome.

“Someone at some place at some time probably did something, but it wasn’t me - I was busy churching and drinking brewskis with my wholesome buddies, except for that one guy. He probably did it.”

I hope he falls taint-first on a set of jacks.

Did he have to buy the “Magnetic Poetry for Sexual Predators” set himself, or does it just come with the job now?

I’m at work now, so I don’t have time to write all I want to, but I’m really sorry I snapped at you last night.  I’m the jerk, not you.  I’ve been really stressed out the past few forevers now, too, not sleeping well and quitting smoking, and, yeah, I was totally a jerk.  I’m sorry.

This is the second time in two days that you’ve responded to my comments with obvious shit, like I’m a fucking idiot, and I genuinely have no idea if you’re a troll or not. I don’t even comment that often, so if you’re a troll or a stalker, good job! Thanks for the thrilling social interaction!

Yeah, I run into this a lot with some of my nieces/nephews/cousins. If your kid doesn’t want to hug me, that’s fine! I’m an adult! My feelings are not hurt! But please, for the love of fuck, don’t insist they hug me when they obviously don’t want to. I try to deflect with a high five or something, but yeah, always…

How dare you besmirch the good name of Vincent Adultman. HE IS DOING A BUSINESS.

ETA: ok, I actually looked at that photo, and WTF is under his coat? A child, a goiter, or the biggest boner ever? That this is a question in my brain makes me want to gouge my eyes out and randomly apologize to people on the street.

Some people say things like “I wouldn’t piss on him if he was on fire”, but I would totally take a piss on Lindsay Graham. Or Ted Cruz, but that’s almost too easy. I could get 100k in donations just for shitting on his face.

Hi!  I’m run, lillian!, and I’m running for city coucil!  No, seriously, I’m running, don’t…

Many respects to Hannah Gatsby (If I get any money from this comment, I’ll share it with ya). HE HAD TO DO IT FOR THE ART! No one owns a [what did he do again, that is about art, and not assaulting women?], they own a [that guy, and should probably throw it in a trash fire because it won’t even be worth anything at…

Also, anyone who not only uses, but KEEPS a paper calendar AS A HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT automatically seems like a creep. I want to say “go home, Kavanaugh, you’re making *us* drunk,”, but it seems like he’ll get confirmed anyway and toddle along slashing reproductive rights and immigrants’ rights and environmental…

A few dozen people in my yearbook said I was nice, and hoped I had a good summer. I keep it around so I can present it as evidence in court in case I OH WAIT, I NEVER SEXUALLY ASSAULTED ANYONE, AND IT WOULD BE INSANE TO USE IT AS A DEFENSE.

How fucking desperate, though. “Lookie here, I didn’t write ‘assaulting women’…

Starred just because I love that you have a compound bow, AND stickers. High-five.