REAL QUESTIONS.

Oh no. That’s bad.

NO. NONONONONO.

Oh god, people with inspirational quotes in their signatures. “Do what you love, and you’ll always love what you do!” “I was... asking for clarification on this order you just placed, and I was feeling pretty indifferent about the act, but... ok?”

I was trying to think of a worse band, and came up with Godsmack. Which led me to google them AND THEY STILL EXIST. They’re, like, playing a music festival with Korn and Toby Keith in August, which is just... nah, i can’t even.

Just leaving this here: http://therumpus.net/2012/03/saturday-history-stevens-and-hemingway/

I RAN, NO DOY, THAT IS WHAT I DO.

“When will that guy finally show up?”

Thanks!

Oh yeah, can’t argue with that.

So I broke my hip three months ago, and had some surgical screws put in because I’m too young (31) to have it straight-up replaced. I need to get a bone density test, and I’m not optimistic about the results of that.

Except that Lucifer would fucking hate Ted Cruz (liars are a big no-no), so he’d never make a deal. He’d reveal himself, and turn Ted Cruz into a slobbering idiot.

In the spirit of this, I present Jesse L Martin, Victor Garber, and John Barrowman literally being early 20th century sexy singing gangster zaddys:

My 3-year-old nephew LOVES Mickey, but it’s that new CGI Micky Mouse Clubhouse.

My sister is crazy into Disney. It’s the only place she wants to go on vacation, and I’ve asked her the same question - seriously, you don’t want to go anywhere else? This is your third year in a row, FFS!

Hehehe, that reminds me of a time I was a teenager sleeping over at my friend’s house, and her mom overheard us conspiring to sneak out later. She didn’t confront us, but she did hide our shoes! We went to leave that night, got really confused because our shoes were gone, then found them hidden on the bookcase in the…

Ha, I’d like to think so, but the truth is I only want to be a judge because I assume the robes would mean I never have to do laundry or wear pantyhose again. And I wasn’t a law major, but I did get an A in a con law class, so I think I...

Ok, so, um...

Objection! Sustained! Overruled!

That’s kind of ominous. Because he’ll be impeached, or because we’ll all be dead via nuclear apocalypse? It’s starting to feel like the latter is more likely.