It did, tho.

It would do anything for love...

Honestly, if a real Jurassic Park ever did open, I be like “come on, you dummies, nothing in the movies is ever like real life! LET’S GO!”, an hop right on the helicopter.

“Do you have other ghosts?”

I waited a full month to watch the latest season of OITNB with him. A MONTH. I’m the goddamn saint in this relationship.

Hey, she apolozized! It’s that’s the thing we’re you’re a complete asshole, but you tweet “sorry!” a few million times while you’re also stepping all over people. Kind of like Jazzercise, but with bigotry, or that horrible Barbie workout video, but with... skinny blonde women?

Donald Trump is POTUS, and I kind of like Shia Lebeouf now. NO SERIOUSLY, THO, WHAT IS THIS REALITY.

My diet is pretty heavy on skittles (the sour ones, because they are the best, obvs), so I’d probably make for a good steak, with notes of vodka and cheese. http://www.cnn.com/2017/01/19/health/spilled-skittles-road-trnd/

BUT CAN YOU EAT HUMAN FLESH WITH YOUR AMERICAN GIRL DOLL? I NEED TO KNOW. FOR A FRIEND.

I’m the opposite - I’ve read everything Butler has written, but I’m sadly behind on LeGuin. My in-laws got me The Left Hand of Darkness for xmas (because they get me, and are awesome gift-givers), so I have to get on that right away.

AND SHE WAS SO GOOD, TOO. “I don’t know anything about... school. But I do believe there should be... *a* school. Probably Jesus school.”

Oh god, don’t give them ideas.

I very irrationally want to vacation in Lundar now. I’ll stay at the motor hotel (!!!), find out what ‘eavestrouphing’ is, and hit a few golf balls toward some geese (don’t worry, I don’t golf, so I’d never hit anything, and I’d probably just say “fuck this, golf is stupid”, and eat popcorn and drink tequila in the…

“I do have teeth, and they are... I.. I, I, I mean if someday my teeth were not my teeth, this goes both ways, and also what are teeth, anyway, and the media is really mean.”

OMG I FINALLY FOUND MY KINJA NAME. HOLD ON, BRB.

Am I a bad person for wanting to start a “Sean Spicer Breakdown” pool? I’d put my money on Feb 1st. Right now, he’s probably telling himself “ok, just make it through the month”, but on the first, it’ll sink in that he has to KEEP doing this.

One of the reasons I don’t support the death penalty is because, if given the opportunity, I would kill these people myself. But that’s emotion and vengeance, not justice, and I think the state should stick to the latter.

Fuck, it really has only been a week. It feels like it should at least be March by now. This year is already too long.

After last year, I’m not ruling anything out. If I wake up in June to a headline that reads “Charles Manson and Handmade Dolls Escape Prison in Hot Air Balloon” I’ll just shrug and think yeah, that sounds like something that would happen.

This happened in the 3 seconds it took for me to get from headline to body text: